…That I’m working on the change from within?
I have learned that you can’t sit around and wait for change to happen… you’ve got to start the process from the inside out.
I have been writing a lot about change these days. I crave it like a drug. I am aware to hope for specific changes… and honor the old rule that one should be careful what they wish for. And I am also intuned to the constant changes that are occurring to and around me every moment. But the craving persists and lies ever-present as a focus, which could, in itself, be a deterrent to the result I am seeking.
I have become painfully wise to the craving that I am experiencing as an illustration of a basic problem with living in the moment. If I am seeking difference as a “fix” for whatever reason, the problem could be stemming from my not experiencing the now. So is this a question regarding the fantasy of a changed path and dissatisfaction with my life as it is… or am I truly just looking to expand and grow in ways that I know I cannot achieve where I am?
There are moments that I feel I would be an excellent candidate for a witness relocation program (minus the crime, naturally.) It would be nice to start over, new place, new home, new life, new identity. I think everyone feels the need or wish to disappear from time to time. In the real world that isn’t the answer. I am fond of the path that I am on but it is no longer fulfilling me the way that it used to (the passion has been replaced with a sense of being taken for granted)… thus the dis-ease within my living moments and the push forward to the cravings of a different future… doing different things and enjoying new challenges that re-instill the energy and enthusiasm of a life that you wake up excited to live.
I want to turn the page. It’s time to change the chapter…. this one has been going on a bit too long. I am finding the repetitive nature (and serious lack of communication) of the challenges in my world to be killing the passion and motivation that is part of what should make life, living, experience and the chapter more fun.
Except the writing. Within the writing lies an endless treasure trove of new avenues, challenges and escapes from the mundane and predictable nature of the situations and people around.
So what does one do when they want to change but have grown weary of waiting for the changes to occur? Begin to make those changes within yourself. Around me I am adding to or adding on routines that have been missing or never tried. I am opening up myself to situations that I have let go or not previously considered. I am stepping up and putting myself forward to places and people that would understand my passions and within the next couple of months could possibly offer me options and challenges that would both terrify and exhilarate my inner core. Passion leaves no room for dissatisfaction. I have grown weary and I look forward to a rejuvenation on very large scales.
Inner-most, however, I am concentrating on levels of patience and faith that the path that I seek (or one that I would enjoy but had not considered) will start to appear very soon. I am taking the appropriate steps because I know the odds of success lie within my participation in the journey. I, like anyone else, would love to wake up to the miracle. I, like few others, don’t necessarily believe that the miracle is such a stretch. But I do know that to rely upon and wait only for this miracle is not conducive to the finest of results in a life enjoyed and achieved. I want to play my part by changing my behaviors, outlooks, habits, routines and clear that brush that may be hiding the path that I could be better suited for.
Change is a theme in my life. I am proud of how much change I have worked with and mastered over the years. Perhaps it is because of the major changes that I have conquered that I find myself in craving at this time in my life. I am not currently growing in many areas of my life. I am settling and doing what others need to help them on their paths. While I do not see that as a detriment… it is not balanced and the balance will provide the happiness that eliminates (or at least tames) the craving. I know that not everyone will agree with the logic I put forth. I can’t allow that to deter me. I also know that not every move I make is going to be a successful one (I have made many mistakes, most of which have become the more valuable lessons).
It is my life to change.
Be Happy. Be Well. Be.
January 21st, 2010 at 3:01 pm
I am making the changes from within…thanks to you and your writing cousin..you set me on an interesting path a few weeks ago when you spoke of the imminent change happening to the both of us…I’m still excited!!!!!