WHAT IF I TOLD YOU…

Welcome to the new year.

I would have written this a bit sooner… a tip off to the year that began two days ago… but I have been busy collecting thoughts and re-assessing a lot of who I am, what I do and who I intend to be in the new year, decade and, simply, going forward.

I am feeling good and, alternately, somewhat ambiguous about the path that sits directly in front of me.  Ambiguity will be a topic of an up-coming entry… but for now the point is in remembering and understanding that no matter what is on offer by choice or circumstance… I am human and there is no such thing as a level playing field in the realm of emotion and state of mind.

How boring would that be?

There is a huge part of me that feels it would be advantageous to change my entire life.  I have often talked about the “chapters” and I cannot help but to feel that I am still within one of the longest in my book of life… out of many diverse and prolific previous segments.  Currently I am about to hit 13 years in a job and 16 in a home.  That may sound like a complaint, but in fact it is a realization of stability… something that was not a part of the earlier chapters i have experienced.  I know that I am fortunate by any stretch of the concept and I do not lose sight of that (lest anyone believe that I am ungrateful or blind to what a lot of the world [and this country] is going through.)

But nevertheless the feelings are authentic and the “itch” is real.  I am struggling with the feelings of fleeting time and age as well as the stagnation of career.  Again… nothing is wrong with getting older and my job is not the least bit “boring” (although there are elements that are becoming very predictable and negative).  I believe there is more to my story than what I have achieved and accomplished up to this point and I don’t want to sit back on my path and wait for the world to invite me to where I need to go.  I want to explore…. spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally… I want to grow and change and challenge and FEAST on the things I have not experienced.  Nothing I have done in the past has proven insurmountable.  I have risen to each and every occasion that has been provided, presented or thrust upon me both positive and negative.  No matter what I have been given in the past I have found and utilized the solutions that I knew (and know still) to be available.  Life without solution is only an energy drainer.  I need my energy for the next chapter… and the one after that.  There are goals to conquer, challenges to hurdle, places to visit and people to meet.

With that in mind I look towards the positive side of my craving for the page to turn.  I let go of the negatives of being where I am and within that surrender I become pleasingly aware that the solutions and changes I desire will unfold in front of me.  Feeling stuck has been taking too much of my focus.  When I am focused on what I do not necessarily enjoy or like I am missing the things in my midst that will offer me a quicker, easier and possibly more satisfying solution.  If I am trapped it is only of my own doing and that is a lesson I have had to learn and relearn many times throughout all of the parts of this very long book of adventures.

So I start all over again, which could be an indication of a new chapter.  Perhaps it will turn out to be just that?  I do not know any more about what the future holds than anyone else.  Trying to figure that out is a waste of my present.

I surrender and  in doing so I am absolutely sure that the very things I look for will be mine in 2010.  That sounds very good to me.

Happy New Year!!

Be Happy.  Be Well.  Be.