WHAT IF I TOLD YOU…

Sometimes change comes easier when it happens within.

Perhaps it would be better to say that I am kick-starting a spiritual death in order to bring forth a new and better path. It is likely that this will be the same path I’ve been on but with a different focus, including new priorities and a lot less of the noise that seemed to be cluttering the airwaves within the spiritual plane I’ve been existing on for a very long time. This will not be my first death within this soul’s journey, however, as I have started over before with wild and fulfilling success. But nothing lasts forever.

I am not an overly religious. I find the state of organized religion in the world to be scary at best. Religion is used so often as a weapon and a tool for power. It is, in many cases, about anger, control and big business. It is about money and war and politics. This is not what I consider the inspired roadway to the best person I can be. It is, however, very important to others… and although I do not recommend it to those like me I would not condemn it to those who use it sincerely as I see myself with a spiritual path.

When I grew up I connected prayer to religion, thus the paragraph above… a disclaimer of sorts. I don’t want to be a religious man but there seems to be something about prayer that I have found to be intriguing and fruitful. It is a form of communication. I speak and something listens. It isn’t important to identify that something because the point for me is in the communication. That’s my turn, where meditation and even to some extent some yoga is about stopping and listening.

So why am I talking about prayer in an entry about shifting priority? I’ll get to that. Be patient.

For months of my life now I have not been the person I want to be. Even those who strive to spirituality and change in their lives are susceptible to a back-pedaling of self will. I am a man of solutions but I have been looking only at the problems and fears. It is not something that is necessarily a conscious decision and is often a product of environment and stress. But the problem is real. I am missing a lot of the joy that I feel we are all entitled to because I am focusing on the things I see as what should be. Self will runs riot.

The result of this has been an ongoing slip into mini-depressions and countless escape clauses and plans that take form in many different ways that will essentially end up being unhealthy. Awareness and good people in my life has resulted in a regrouping and a recharging of the spiritual battery. I have been to this place before and I do not fault myself for being here again. I am human and this is part of the experience. Each experience is a chance to grow and learn about how to better be the person that I am already inside…. throughout my day. The result, down the road, is the re-emergence of joy and peace in my mind. I have missed it and making the decisions that I have has already returned it.

The prayer (or prayers) will help remind me that this is a process. I am in need of help whether outwardly or within. The only important point I need to remember is to shift the priority and seek or accept that help. With it I am stronger and with strength I am more likely to stop feeling the pieces of helplessness, anger, frustration and fear that expectations and self will provide me. They are guaranteed… take a look around.

In the St. Francis prayer there is a line at the end that says “… and it is in dying that we are born into eternal life…” this is not about “dying” as much as it is about surrender. The death of something to accept the birth of something else. I am accepting the death of something within me in order to allow for the fresh start of something more powerful and fulfilling. It doesn’t matter if I’ve done this before. It doesn’t matter if I do not succeed immediately. The results are not mine to decide… that is one of the biggest points behind letting go of self-will.

The most important thing that I can note out of this is that my life will change. Change is what I have been craving. I have been trying to create the change and the answer for the change has been letting go of the result. I am done and I am ready. Bring it on.

Be Happy. Be Well. Be.