ALL MY CHILDREN: IN MY HUMBLE OPINION
THOUGHTS, MUSINGS, OPINIONS & FORECASTS

UPDATED ON 01 SEPTEMBER, 2002

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JUST MY THOUGHTS...

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY09/01: Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.... Listen to me, oh eyebrowed one... your daughter is a delightful and intelligengt young girl. She speaks up a storm and seems far advanced for her years. She is not lovelorn over the loss of a mother having been too young for the chance to really KNOW her. She is incredibly fond of Brooke; that has been proven time and time again. WHY is it that you would tell a child that she is wrong without the benefit of investigation? WHY, Eddie, would you not simply walk outside to see what Maddie so vividly described as "mommy"? Is it a good idea to deny a child's imagination (even though we know it was real)? Is it smart to tell a child they are wrong without thinking about WHY they might have come up with this sort of announcement? I suppose that this is normal for parenting in these circles... Eddie's normal routine is to make a googly face and then send the kid off for cookies with the servant. Mommy is home Mr. Investigative reporter... and your daughter gave you the scoop of your life. That'll teach you. The word is that Jonathan Bennett's JR is history. He'll be gone within the next several weeks having been let out of his contract for a new venture. The role IS being recast rather quickly. Look for someone in their late 20's with a six-pack... ok.... just kidding... I have no idea who is coming in to be NuNuNuJR... I would, however, expect that the BOY will be a man. Sorry if I am repetitive... I SOOOO want Brooke to become an out-of-hand wild and vindictive BEEYATCH..... bring it on. Make her hateful. Make her spiteful. Leave the tears behind. Give her that fighting spunk that tells off the best of them. Give us some knock down drag out CAT fights that has Brooke going for the juggler. Don't confine them to just MARIA... bring it on with Erica and any other woman that crosses her path. BRING IT ON!!! It is time for a Brookie make-over. Maybe... just maybe that will be the SPARK that entices the right man back to Brooke the FORMER victim of love... the question will now be WHO IS that man? Will they have Eddie choose her over Maria? Will Jack sweep the wild beeyatch off her feet? Will Chris Stamp get over his Diva? Is there another middle-aged hunk-a-doodle on the way into the fold? WILL Brookie find herself a younger stud and flaunt it in the face of old eyebrows? I've said my piece.... I want bad Brooke to take over... the stepped upon matron is wearing very thin. THE TOP 10 Reasons Dimitri needs to come back to Pine Valley: 10) Pine Valley has had a significant shortage of royalty lately. 9) Peggy has locked herself in the closet until he returns. 8) Somebody needs to beat up Chris Stamp. 7) He's bound to find out that Alex and Anna pulled the twin switchero on him sooner or later. 6) There are no plans for a Dynasty or Gidget reunion at this time. 5) I, for one, would like to see what color his hair is now. 4) Some think that Alex is holding him hostage in an undisclosed location. 3) Erica needs someone to accompany her to an AA meeting at the hospital. 2) Maybe Maria will remember HIM. 1) There just isn't enough controversy on the message boards. So.... I am picturing Trey/Ben and Kendall getting it on in that hot little loft. A couple of days later they discover that dear old dad... the creepy actor/rapist with the British accent (that turned into a voice that sounded JUST like Trey/Ben) is father to both of them. They turn and look at each other and each scream "EWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Soon Kendall discovers she is pregnant and everyone is a bit worried that out of ALL the F@#%ed up kids that have lived in or traveled through Pine Valley... this will be the be all and end all. WAIT!! That ain't gonna happen. NO WAY would AMC go the way of incestual relationships... If you ask me we've seen the worst of it already. Soon they will discover their common ground and BESIDES... Kendall is in love with Ryan (for the moment) and attracted to Aidan. Then there is that little matter of an amorous JR coming on to Kendall.... then all of a sudden he will look different and probably have a six-pack (a reason to be shirtless)... I suspect that Kendall and JR just may turn out to be an item down the road. As for Trey/Ben? He's sort of asexual to me... I can't decide who or what he should be mixed with... I like him more as some sort of MAD guy who threatens people and ends up leaving the show after having killed off one of our least favorite characters (we all have our fantasies...) I was thinking today how we haven't had a good insane character and murder mystery in a while. It's about time. Who can turn into our psycho? Who needs to be offed and sent to heaven (in case they are needed back in a year or two). WAIT... there is one problem with this... Think about it. Nearly ANYONE in that town could turn into a psycho... nearly any one of the characters could get offed and make SOMEBODY happen. But in a town full of dysfunction I suppose there really isn't all that much need for a psycho... I expect in Pine Valley these days it wouldn't be noticed... YOU just haven't lived on a soap opera until you've had at least TWO names. Whether it is split personalities, twins, sisters, brothers, amnesiacs or just two people who really, really look like each other... some of your favorite characters can be called by many names. CURRENTLY we are dealing with the Maria/Maureen confusion. We have Trey, who is actually Ben. Vanessa is sometimes Nessa and other times Rosie. Adam and Stuart just change hair styles and throw on a sweater. Anna is the butch version of Alex. Maggie is the (also) sexually confused identical twin to Frankie (unless my theory still holds up and it was actually Maggie that died...). Jake used to be Joey. Tad used to be Ted. Hayley turned into her mother while Mateo just looks really, realy different... I could go on but you all got the point and I think I have managed to bore even myself. Does anyone realize that SKYE (who belongs in Pine Valley... there... I've said it) is the only SOAP character that can lay claim to having had (in some shape or form) the most powerful man on EACH ABC soap as her father? She is, first and foremost a CHANDLER, she is still under the illusion that she is a QUARTERMAINE (GH) and NOW.... Rae has gone and married Asa Buchanan... which would make him Skye's Step-daddy by marriage and THUS... in a sort of weird way... SKYE a Buchanan. She can hit them all up for some money and never have to work again!! Oh wait... she doesn't work now. Never mind. So... is X-17 the Libidozone of 2002? No... it isn't likely to find itself in any punchbowls in the near future. I do love that the flashback had the vial of the X-17 labeled appropriately. We wouldn't have wanted David to inject the ailing Maria with any of that pesky X-16 now would we? One has to wonder if the miracle experimental drug has been upgraded much like Microsoft software or AOL versions. Many years ago David played with that little science kit at home and mixed a couple of household cleaners to come up with X... but the ecstasy people sent over a lawyer with a cease and desist so he named it X-1. Over the years Dr. Hayward and Mr. Hyde played with the formula and finally, five-years ago came up with the 17th version (with new features!) Fortunately for him (and US) Maria crawled into his life on that beach in California? uh.... no comprende... Did that plane fall down into Pine Valley beach... float into Pine Valley River and sail all the way to California? OR was Davey on the EAST coast when we pretty much know he got to PV from that hospital in CA only FOUR years ago.... and excuse me BUT... WHOSE BODY was he burying? ME THINKS somebody passed away from the previous version of the drug.... DAMN that X-16!!! ONLY ON A SOAP: Here we have a wonderfully humorous and actor-chemistry enhanced scene in a car racing towards Wildwind from the Valley Inn. What is WRONG with this picture? For one thing... it took them the entire show and they STILL did not arrive at their destination. Let's put this into perspective... On All My Children people have recently made their decisions, booked their flights, FLOWN to Nevada and found someone in a remote hotel in a matter of 5 minutes... TIME is of no essence in a soap. MY OTHER favorite funny about Tad and Anna in the car going ON and ON and ON about the mere fact that Maria could be alive after having been dead. uhhhhh...HELLO? Both Anna AND Tad have returned from the dead themselves. How quickly they forget.... ahh sweet irony. I understand that the Proteus storyline is coming to its conclusion very soon. Was that still going on? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Oh happy, happy couple. Leo and Greenlee are SOOOO in love and kissing, hugging and riding bicycles through not one but TWO music montages on Thursday... hmmmm... if you ask me that seals the deal. LEO is leaving. He's outta there. These people are too damned happy and we KNOW that isn't going to cut if for long. Greenlee needs a storyline... she needs an outlet. They have NO problem with the world or each other at the moment. YIKES... that is just not going to work in Pine Valley. QUICK... we need a third party. HURRY someone needs a disease or a really bad wound of some sort. Are the office pools beginning? Are we taking any bets? Is this guy outta here in October? November? How's he leaving? Somewhere in Hollywood Mark Consuelos, Cameron Mathison and Josh Duhamel will be having cocktails and talking about their new projects... well.. Josh and Cam will... Mark will be discussing Kelly's projects. JUST KIDDING. Now that MARIA is back in town will there be other Santos' coming as well? There are rumblings that Sydney Penny (Julia) could be coerced into a stint back in Pine Valley... (no offense to the actress but what has she done since the show anyway?) IMHO I would doubt VERY much that Noah (Keith Hamilton Cobb) would be making his way back to the show... the actor is now on Andromeda and has been widely quoted as saying he would NEVER return to daytime television... perhaps Julia could return at some point without Noah... on a visit? In order for her to be back at all the reason that she and Noah had to go into the Witness Protection program would have to have been eliminated. THEN, however, the couple would be returning together, wouldn't they? SO.... my guess (if this is to happen at all) is that Noah is going bye-bye... whether in the form of divorce, or yet another premature death... WHO KNOWS?? Remember: We're still talking about the (possible) return of Trevor as well... I suggest we don't hold our breath!! LAST but not least: I hate to say I told you so!! I knew there was a future in the pairing of Jack and Anna. Although I don't know just HOW far this will go... I do know that it just fell RIGHT into place this week as I had seen coming MANY weeks prior. Anna is not suited for the mad doctor (I know many would disagree) and JACK is in dire need of a front burner love story. WHY NOT? Will Jack be willing to take on the pregnancy with Anna? Will Anna lose the baby? Will Anna handle the return of Lily Montgomery to the fold? All of these questions and more will be answered eventually... The big question, I suppose, is whether or not Jack is but a mere REBOUND as Anna flaunts the relationship in front of the lying Doctor. And then... what is David going to do about it? Let's just say that we hope David doesn't have a needle filled with X-17 while standing next to Jackson.... Oh... one more thing... just WHO was it that picked out the bridal gown that Brookie wore (for DAYS)? That was undoubtedly the most unflattering thing she could have worn. Talk about making one's backside look larger...

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY08/25: ALARMING Pine Valley trend: have we ever REALLY taken notice that there is a disturbing similarity to EVERY single younger person inhabiting our favorite BURG? They are all a bunch of pathetic cry babies with dysfunctional history. HEAR ME OUT... think about it... every single one of these people have had HORRIBLE experiences with parents or something similar and are not only psychologically MESSED UP, but usually keeping it a secret as well. At least until they can find someone to SOB to and then it all comes blubbering out. Let's review for just a moment: Simone has problems with father figures and is hiding something that happened in the past destroying her relationship with her father and sending her into a string of married men's beds. Greenlee is a princess with a trust fund raised by her snobby grandparents because her jet-set mother and con man father couldn't have cared less. Leo traveled the world with his grifter mother who possesses many personalities (supposedly)... he was raised to be a gigolo and really had no concept of parental guidance whatsoever. Ryan was raised by a drunk mother who fled an abusive father and grew up to watch his brother become a psycho rapist. Kendall is an attention starved quasi-harlot who wants nothing but the acceptance of the diva who had her in a rape. Binks is a strong but conflicted lesbian who uses that strength as a mask against what she knows is a fickle relationship with the teeny weeny diva. JR has a egomaniacal billionaire father, a dead mother, a non-attentive step father and a linebacker for a step-mother... he is a drug addict and an angry timebomb waiting to explode. Jamie is a child who is often ignored and couldn't even talk during his KD Lang phase. Petey is a snotty, bratty, Richie Rich character that someone is going to slug over a wall before or after he grows up to be a cross dresser with Opal's clothing. Maggie had a bizarre childhood, hardly knows her family and lost her twin sister... who she never really knew either. Trey was abandoned by a mother in one of her personalities and has assumed the identity of a man that died in order to be a lawyer and give people snotty looks while dressed in preppy clothing. Tim Dillon is conflicted because he lives with a woman from another planet and a man who is in heavy denial..... who is left... let's see... Aidan and Frank. They seem normal enough for now... but that won't last long... Frankie has a dark secret (the porn years?) and Aidan... who knows... maybe it's just that he can't act (but GOD he looks and sounds delightful.) SO... we've got a nasty trend here... is there NO normalcy in the youth of Pine Valley? I changed my mind. Trey isn't Vanessa's son or Leo's brother. He is from Venus. He is an alien with strict orders not to allow a personality to come through while conversing with the humans. He is reading their thoughts with the special glasses that look like mere spectacles. Soon he will take over our planet. My guess is that his REAL mother is Janet. EDDIE: Here is a clue that might help for you if you really want to be that GUARD DOG and protect your wifey to be. When you hear a noise and plan on checking on it.... DON'T wait for TEN minutes and discuss it endlessly. GUESS WHAT? They won't be there anymore. Sometimes I just want to throw things at the TV. THE TOP 10 Reasons David and Anna should NOT have a baby: 10) Hasn't anyone seen Rosemary's Baby? 9) Although not impossible... I would imagine it is difficult to find a complete black maternity wardrobe. 8) Ducking and rolling on those overnight stake-outs would be tough on a pregnant Police Chief. 7) I don't think the Valley Inn allows newborns to live there. 6) David won't pay attention to the kid unless it has a heart problem. 5) Anna would FREAK when David insists that they name the kid DIXIE if it's a girl and DEXIE if it's a boy. 4) David would have to stop slipping Anna those libidozone cocktails. 3) Think about it... Vanessa and Charlotte would be dueling grandmothers. 2) A child in their midst could very well mean the end of those wonderfully stimulating conversations they always have. 1) Why go through ALL the mess and bother of a newborn when you can just wait for the grown child you've forgotten, given away or never knew about to show up in Pine Valley? Yes, Maria is officially back. There she was sobbing away in the masoleum. That is all it took to jog our memories. OH YES... the crier. A rival to Brooke's teary eyed scenes. During the next sweeps period we can see the first annual Pine Valley Sob-off... a new form of reality programming that pits famous PV residents trying to out-cry one another. First up: Brooke the PV champ (face it... she's been doing it for years) and the challenger Maria Maureen Gorman Santos Grey. Who will win? Who will get the prize? What is the prize? Who cares? ;-0 Lipstick Lesbianca and Fraggie? It's a love story made of Enchantment lipgloss and push-up bras in one corner and a step stool in another. Will they or won't they? I expect we'll know by September...... 2003. Spotted as extras on Port Charles: Jack and Mary Smythe having a cup of coffee in the hospital cafeteria. It must have been them... they don't seem to be in Pine Valley any longer... I am torn... on one hand there is the reprieve from the painfully boring and nice David that we have been subjected to for a little too long these past months... but on the other hand there is the lying, scheming and manipulative scuzball that he has once again become lying endlessly to get what he wants with Maria... while lying regretfully to the woman that seems to be pregnant with his child. What do we like? What would we prefer? WHY is going to gain from the lies he is telling to Maria? What IS she really to him? HERE is what I think: Nobody knows. YOU HEARD ME.... I am convinced that the writers themselves are sort of toying with this one (much the same as I believed them to be doing with the identity of Proteus late last year.) Little by little they are hashing out this storyline amongst themselves while gauging the responses that they read in the message boards and 'word on the street'... They haven't got any more of a clue than we do.... ok, that isn't entirely true, they ARE four weeks or so ahead of us. The truth is that they probably DO know but they aren't letting this one leak one little bit. I actually think this is for the best. Sometimes I end up knowing too much too soon and THAT could be one of the main reasons I find myself getting bored. OMG, I may have just solved a puzzle.... Is there a 12-step group for scoop addicted people? Step 1: Admit I was powerless over scoops Step 2: Came to believe that I could watch TV without knowing what would be on before I watched it. Step 3: Turned over my power to the writers of the show (reading ANY message board would tell you that this one is where most will stop.) Steps 4 through 11: Read a book, watch PBS... maybe get a life? (What.... you thought I was going to do ALL 12 steps?) Step 12: Turn off the freakin' TV. MIA: So it IS "All About Eve" We are in a new phase of her game. She is moving on past the naive and shy home girl and gussying up to become the smart and saavy businesslady that is running the household. Suddenly she is snippy to flower vendors on the phone because that would be the only way to show you are powerful (natch!) and Liza... who is one of the smarter women Pine Valley has ever encountered is spilling her guts and acting the fool with the sister she never knew she had. I suppose that next to ADAM anyone can look trustworthy... but is Liza REALLY about to be SNOWED by Miss Mia? Don't count on it. Remember that Bette Davis WON in the end.... OK... was it me or did Maggie look like she was going to break out in a DUSTY SPRINGFIELD song in her wedding get-up? I KNEW IT!! Daytime television proves it again! Beautiful people do NOT wear glasses. Heaven forbid. Here we thought that the character of TREY... er.. BEN... (whatever..) was going to be a hunk WITH specs but GO FIGURE... they are a prop... a costume.... mere jewelry to create a character. So once we find out the REAL reason that Trey... er... BEN is in town, once that fact that he is someone's bitter brother, son, cousin, or monkey's uncle... he'll probably whip those puppies off and chuck in WILLOW LAKE (where in future episodes that monster referred to by Binky will be seen lurking in the depths... wearing glasses.) Ahhh... glamor... New characters? I am loving a few of the peripheral newbies that are being paraded out these days. The young intern / nurse that Tad conned in the hospital was a bit of fresh air... the VP "assistant" that came in with the problem to Binks (who naturally saved the day with her personal phone call to Brandy... yea... right) We liked HER too. Somebody must slap Val, however. please? If Maddie lived in California they would probably pre-empt All My Children to talk about the Amber alert. For that matter it probably would have been the second Amber alert after the kidnapping of Colby on a "five-week fishing trip". That one would interupt the entire daytime line-up. If they keep it up we may never see this show again. It never ceases to amaze me that someone VERY recognizable can lurk around in public places and private property during large events and NEVER BE SEEN... when any character can't usually SNEEZE without running into whomever it is they don't want to see on a normal basis. Perhaps she is invisible? One more question... where did she get the purse if EVERYTHING was stolen from her (including all money)... and what's worse... if she has nothing after everything was stolen.... what would she need a purse for? Gosh Pine Valley is one confusing burg. I love modern medicine. Apparently our poor silent Jamie ran up the stairs some months ago in disgust over Brookie's impending nuptials to someone besides TAD and came down in time for the wedding with a new face (KD Lang has been retired) and absolutely no memory whatsoever. He was all smiles so my guess is either Prozac or lithium. LAST but not least... I will have to admit that our final scene of the week was a touching one. Mother and child reunion. There can be no doubt now that Maureen is Maria. Not a twin. Not a look-alike. Not a ghost. Maria. Eddie and Brooke fans HAVE gotten their wedding but the way I am seeing it... the honeymoon is not going to be sweet. It's hard to say what will happen in the long run... Maria doesn't quite remember that she IS Maria at this time.... but Eddie will be torn. There was entirely too much "Forever" being stated at that wedding. Whether or not Eddie and Maria will end up as a couple again is something that it is entirely too early to guage... but I will say one thing: Brooke is about to change her personality and become LESS of a saint than the woman we have always known. For anyone who even DARES whine about her being "out of character"... I suggest that you remember that characters change. This one is going to do a 180. She is going to fight, she is going to snap. She is going to lie and she is going to be a bit of a beeyatch. Brooke for a new century. You go girl. By the way: I TOLD you that Rae Cummings was going to marry Asa Buchanan!!!

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY08/18: To HELL with who might be Trey's mother.... WHO is Rebecca? I was beginning to think that Trey was an ASEXUAL little weasel in need of ANGER management and a package of tissues in case the glasses got foggy. Now suddenly he's steaming up rooms in different ways with some blonde who seems to like him very much? Where'd he find her? Does she hang around in the hospital? The park? Did he meet her at Starbucks? Is she paid personnel? Will we see Rebecca again? I know.... they were waiting for Trey to work out a few months before revealing him bare-chested... that must be it. At least we know this boy with MOTHER issues isn't gay... UH OH... Leo and Greenlee playing NICK & NORA to try and figure out whatever secrets Trey might be keeping is NOT a good sign. Happy couples on this soap become Nick and Nora while on their way to the backburner. This must NOT happen. What Leo and Greenlee need right now is someone to play into their happy little nest. Someone to woman to tempt LEO or perhaps a young man to persuade Greens. They've been happy for a couple of weeks now... (sort of)... that is long enough. Move along. It didn't take Kendall TOO long to get over that chisel-bodied Ryan guy. WHO? Now she's got the hunky Brit boy to play with. A little lust in the afternoon... but wait... don't tell me... is there a SECRET lurking in that Brit boys past? Could there be something HE is hiding that actually sort of ties him to Pine Valley in a way that we, as of yet, do not expect? C'mon boys and girls since WHEN has ANYONE come to Pine Valley without an AGENDA or a GRUDGE? Aidan walks in and is immediately thrown into the KANE dynasty via the humble man-servant Chris. Fortunately his first career (there will be more) is exactly what Missy Kane and the boy toy were looking for to create the Penthouse in the sky. So what is it that Aidan brings to the land of Drama? Something to do with the way he was brought up. ME THINKS that it is Aidan that might have something to do with David.... Don't ask me why... but just the fact that David and Aidan were like oil and water so quickly AND the fact that David is involved with ANNA... tells me that there is going to be more of a connection than we have seen thus far. In the meantime, however... it sure is nice that summer has forced him to peel off the shirt a couple of times... nuff said. Has anyone ever noticed that soap operas are SO much like the slapstick comedies of the 40's and 50's? All the close calls and coincidences are like the way the Marx Brothers would march in and out of different rooms in a hotel JUST missing each other each time while all in some silly chase. WHY would Edmund bring Brooke to the PINE CONE HOTEL for a little love rendezvous? Why would one door open as the other one closes? HOW MANY times are we going to see Maria come within inches of the man she was once married to? I know, I know... it's just another comedy of errors... THE TOP 10 Reasons Erica and Chris should not be married: 10) UH... because they look like Mutt and Jeff? 9) Because her full name would NEVER fit on the checks. 8) Every minister they ask to perform the ceremony breaks out into hysterical laughter. 7) She's so tiny should could very well get lost in his hair. 6) Because that would mean that Chris Stamp might actually have a storyline. 5) She wouldn't be able to spend enough time running Enchantment... you know... that multi-million dollar corporation that she goes to once a month? 4) She can't eat too much Italian food or she'll become a little beach ball. 3) If she marries Chris that means he'll eventually end up with Brooke. 2) They are out of the teeny tiny wedding dresses at Diva's R Us. 1) Anytime somebody said her name she would think the post office was honoring her. It would seem now that Trey has taken his shirt off he doesn't seem to want to put it back on.... OH... and did anyone else wince when Brookie looked at the champagne bottles in the the Pine Cone and announce "Tre(y) Chic!!" Enough with the TREY stuff, already!! By the way... it was pointed out to me that RICHARD FIELDS who now seems to sound EXACTLY like Trey (they even seem to say the same things... go figure)... USED to have a BRITISH accent.... hmmmmmmmmm.... wouldn't it be more appropriate then to have Aidan be the bastard son of the rapist / actor? Very odd... unless Richard Fields was doing the British accent for Erica as some sort of seduction. Maybe he turned British in violent thunderstorms. It would appear that the costumer found a nice sale on black 'outfits' with red floral patterns. First there was the slinky black number that Kendall wore on the night that Ryan drove off in the rain on the motorcycle. Up in the corner there was a red flower. Then there was the black sundress that Maria wore for several days with the red flowers. Today Binky was wearing the pullover top with the red rose... so... was there a sale or are they recycling the material and using it for different outfits as time goes on? Maybe they are trying to start a trend? Speaking of ratings.. (ok, maybe I wasn't... but now we are)... If you go on a message board the misery loves company people will remind you ENDLESSLY that the ratings are down and the writers should die (they are blamed for everything from bad plots, boring diatribe and killing relationships to the problems in the stock market...) BUT... it would appear, however, that TV in Pine Valley still thrives. WHO KNEW that Hayley was even still doing her talk show THE WAVE?.... well... not only is she doing it, but it would seem that the show was on every television set. From scene to scene it was either on in the background or talked about by key characters. That Kelly Ripa just can't do any wrong, can she... OH MY GOD! WHAT an EXCITING week this was on the show! SO many things happened. So MANY plot points uncovered and characters intertwined. I am LOVING it.... oh... wait... that was Access Hollywood... Big Brother... Eastenders... some cooking show... a three year old syndicated Party of Five... We're in one of those molasses periods where things do not move... what I would do for a SWEEPS period (or perhaps a clue as to what some of these storylines are about?) zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz MISSING in action: Where are Jackson Montgomery and Mary Smythe? Could we... dare we assume that they are AT THIS MOMENT re-kindling their past relationship if only to ANNOY the hell out of Greensnot and her future ex-husband? Did Jack finally bore himself to death with the self-righteous routine and check into a rehab for male beeyatches? Is Mary staying at the guest room of her parents mansion or looking for work because she is out of the inheritance? Wasn't there some sort of glimmer of hope that there would be SOMETHING that might happen that would give Jack a love life AND keep the marvelously talented Anna Stuart a storyline and DARE I say contract? HELLO?? Where have they gone? Was it too hot on that front burner for them? By the looks (and sounds) of things it would appear that Janet from another planet is blasting off to re-visit that other galaxy... It would appear that Robin Mattson is not agreeable to the return engagement OR that the powers at ABC don't particularly care for the idea of a happy Dillon clan at all. MY GUESS is that there will be an eventual DILLON reunion on the show... I would venture to say that Amanda will be the next one to show up. Tim might end up being recast (there are rumblings that the current actor is not really working out...) and then WHO KNOWS.... it could happen that a lonely and dejected TREVOR will come back to figure out what went wrong in Pine Valley. If Janet is reinstituionalized (and that would seem to be the direction it is going) he would need to gravitate towards FAMILY and they will all be in Pine Valley by then. Just a hunch... Perhaps it is a new trend... Whenever there is something that is unexplainable we will now see two characters who previously had NO connection whatsoever in a flashback scene with subtitles referring to 5 years prior. They will have a conversation in order to create the history that was heretofore missing. We'll call it "The parked car". Whenever two people have a connection that cannot be explained we can all look at each other and nod... "ahhhh, the parked car..." and then everything will be all right. FINALLY Eddie and Maria ran into each other on Monday... oh wait... they didn't, but they were SO close.... OK, then... FINALLY Eddie and Maria saw each other on Tuesday... nope... not this time either... stood within SMELLING distance a couple of times but no visuals... Ok... so, FINALLY Eddie and Maria saw each other on Wednesday... NOPE... didn't happen then either... Thursday? NOPE... Friday.... Not quite... AUGUST? Hard to say... Wake me up when they reunite. LAST but not least: I am loving the character of Kendall. She is coming into her own as a Pine Valley 'citizen' and bringing out the best in those she is working with. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that she is making Palmer more obvious once again... (even if he is there to somehow and someway reunite errant mother and daughter... and sparking the desire of Opal in the process..) I also love Kendall with Aidan... who is delicious to look at (but could use a tiny bit of work in the line delivery...) AND... I So want to see the teaming of PV bad girls Kendall and Greenlee in a two-on-two game of "can you top this" with Erica and Binky in opposition. This could be a good deal of fun. HOW MUCH do you want to bet that Ryan WILL return (for a moment or two) JUST in time to find Kendall in a hot, steamy embrace with Britboy? Whoops... there he goes again!! I vote that Kendall (and Ms. Minshew) stick around for a while. She is truly growing on me!

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY08/11: Binks for a new millennium: (IF you can't beat 'em... JOIN 'em). Now that could mean a couple of things. Binky professed that the sisterly slings being thrown at one another with Kendall sparked an idea that would finally give her the direction for her life. HUH? Of course I suppose that what they would like us to think (at least for a moment) is that LesBianca is going straight. As if one conversation could turn her back to the way it is supposed to be. I THINK NOT. Sure our hunky Brit boy Aidan is a lovely piece of man meat that need only take off that shirt and sweat a bit to bring the hetero out in ANY woman... but MY guess is that Binky is about to play the same BATTLE that Kendall and Greens have (supposedly) taken up. You see... if Bianca joins forces with dear old mama... she could end up bringing down Kendall to the level that she (Binks) believes Kendall belongs in. For that matter we all know that Binks is not the greatest fan of Greenlee either. SO... since Binky has seemingly had a lobotomy of late, forgetting ALL the nasty things that Erica did to her over the years and becoming the top cheerleader (oh wait... number 2 after that overgrown Italian boy toy that follows her around) why shouldn't she become one of the top lesbian executives at Enchantment. I'll bet it will be easy to meet models that way... Brooke... darling... you keep telling Edmund that you have NEVER been happier than you are right now with HIM. So... why is it that you look like a catatonic coma victim with a fountain of tears running down your cheeks? Could your eyes get any wider as you FOREVER stare out in the opposite direction from wherever he might be? Good LORD, woman... if this is the happiest you've ever been... I would truly hate to see you depressed. Liza and Adam ran through the ills of Liza's past on Monday... providing us with another mention of the name Jesse Hubbard. One has to wonder just how many dead people ARE coming back to Pine Valley.... WHAT was that butt ugly green couch in Wildwind's drawing room doing in a magazine of Pennsylvania's finest rooms? Come to think of it... WHAT was a magazine of Pennsylvania's finest rooms doing at some table at the airport? THE TOP 10 Reasons Maria REALLY came to Pine Valley: 10) Final class of the Anna Devane School of Super Spies: Lurking 101 9) She heard the food at The Valley Inn was extraordinary and just HAD to try it. 8) Did YOU ever see her series? 7) She missed the easy breezy nights at Pine Valley Beach and the Boathouse. 6) She heard Mark Consuelos was finally gone. 5) She likes to go to strange parks and pick up faux birdwatchers? 4) Somebody told her they were holding the auditions for the next American Idol there. 3) She needed work and figured she could model push-up bras for Enchantment. 2) She thinks that JR is a hottie and wants a go at him. 1) Port Charles and Llanview had no room on their hospital staffs for lurking, amnesiac doctors with secret lives. If All My Children were a musical I would expect Brooke to break into a couple of verses of "How do you solve a problem like MARIA". What's this? Trey as Vanessa's nephew? Leo's cousin? Maggie's brother? A HA!! This could explain his overly concerned behavior around the girl. Is he back to find himself some Frankie revenge? Is he trying to find the money that Vanessa stashed because he is more involved in the Proteus story than previously believed? Is he Proteus? Does anyone care? Speaking of not caring... what about those sparring rich folks? Those crazy, kooky, nutty Chandlers are just at each others throats AND using the same lawyer to do so. Right... that will work. I am picturing them pulling Colby, one on each arm while yelling at each other. Better yet... why not do a remake of "The War of the Roses" and start driving some bulldozers through the mansion. What can they do to make me care that Liza and Adam don't trust each other. Duh. Move along. Adam and Stuart go fishing every year, this we know... but FOR 5 WEEKS? Ok... let's picture this one. Adam without a cell phone for 5 weeks... yea... that will happen. And I'm sorry... but a surprise grabbing of the daughter for a 5 week trip without informing the mother doesn't constitute kidnapping? Oh... right... Liza is crazy. I forgot. Never mind. AAACCKK!! I've been calling her Nessa for MONTHS!! Was I talking about a personality that lived underneath the heavy breathing one? Did I simply not KNOW that there was a maternal, warm and caring woman wanting very much to help her son by being the best mother possible? WHAT is wrong with this picture? I STILL think that Vanessa is in control.... AAACCKK!! (No. 2) Hayley seems to be picking up the slack for her own personal Mateo. She is beeyatchy, bossy, and I am waiting for her to start sticking her finger in people's faces. Sure sure is slinging the attitude and acting rather royal. WHAT GIVES? Tim Man just saved her son's life. She was GUSHING over him as the donor. She wanted to do ANYTHING for him.... except, it would seem, give him the benefit of ANY doubt or perhaps a moment of time to explain WHY something had been said or done. HUH? Yes, Tim lied to his father... but there must have been a reason. EVEN if it were the WRONG reason, couldn't this so-called grateful mother have given the matter a moment before jumping to conclusions? Couldn't she have listened to the other side of the story? She doesn't have to anymore.... YES, ladies and gentlemen... the SELF-RIGHTEOUS crown has been passed to blondie. WORD is that Trevor AND Janet will be returning to Pine Valley WITH James Kiberd and Robin Mattson taking the roles. The problem with this "scoop" is that the "word" is still not verified. We all know how THAT works on some of these message boards. By the way... word also has Finola's ANNA taking it to General Hospital on contract come February 2003. Sounds to me like the word of someone who doesn't want her to be on AMC. Hey... I can play this game too. WORD IS that Ruth Martin is divorcing Joe after that incident in the hospital supply room with that 22-year-old candy stripper. Get the point? Take THE WORD for what it is worth... you really don't know whose WORD it is. Is Revlon a bit PISSED OFF that they aren't mentioned on the show very much? Is THAT why they are making our cute little Greens wear that HIDEOUS red stuff on her lips? What is that? Take it off!! TREY scenario #2: I am also hearing that our man LEO is going to hear a familiar voice in the loft and believe it to be TREY. What he discovers, however, is that it is the TV playing an old movie starring none other than RICHARD FIELDS. Who is that you ask? He is the ACTOR who was friends with Eric Kane and raped the young Erica all those years ago. KENDALL is Mr. Fields daughter. So... why does Trey sound like him? It would make sense actually. This is the Vanessa connection. When TREY first on the show Vanessa "Recognized" him because of his father. Could it be that we were assuming it was the LAWYER she spoke of? We DO know that Trey is not a lawyer. We do know that he is mysterious and has links to someone in town. WHY NOT tie him up to Kendall and possibly even more. Wouldn't it be interesting to see the reaction on Erica's face when she sees yet another SPAWN of Richard Fields? This could be a catalyst in the return of THAT character and bringing Erica's rape to the forefront. That way she might actually come to terms with it at some point and THEN... who knows? Mother and daughter reunion? For now... We will just have to see if Trey is really a Fields... really related to Kendall and WHAT Vanessa (or Rosie) had to do with all of this. Could she be an ex-lover of Richard Fields? Could she be Trey's mother? Could this be why she HATES Erica so much? Stay tuned. On Frankie and Simone: I am going to have to admit that I rather like this actor playing Frankie. There is something about his presence that works AND seems to bring some creedence to the whiney and extreme victim routine that Simone, an otherwise interesting character seems to be stuck in. Frankie is about to be christened into a couple of stories... not the least of which will be the discovery of fatherhood. Simone might actually start to get a little purpose by having someone to SUPPORT and thus NOT feeling oh-so sorry for herself. Is that possible? We'll see if she can stay away from the older married men, booze and sleeping pills. As for Frankie... he'll be fine as long as Jessie is looking over his shoulder. But he WON'T be the honorary Martin for long... not when the REAL poop is revealed as to the reason Mia is so scared to talk about her past. Whatever it is Frankie has a lot to do with it. He has referred to a nasty past several times now and we have to know this is no mistake. Kudos to Jason Olive... a newbie worth the time to watch. LAST but not least we should have a little review... so here goes: Erica Kane Martin Brent Cudahy Chandler Montgomery Marrick Marrick Stamp. Nope... sorry... still don't care. OH... one more thing: The storm, the lightning... and the point behind this was what? To set up a coincidence that Erica would think about Richard Fields at the very same time that he was on the late movie and being mistaken for Trey elsewhere? Does Erica do this jumpy memory thing EVERY time there is lightning? Has she been doing this for the last twenty whatever years? Nahh.... that was all to make Chrissy feel like the big strong man. Blecccchhhh. Oh... another one more thing: I will bet MILLIONS (If I had them) that my prediction of LAST YEAR that Maria would walk into Brooke and Edmund's wedding unexpectedly is about to come true. Saw this one coming a MILE away. Make that about 2500 miles.

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY08/04: Next week it will be revealed that Mia used to be a stripper down in Florida. She is embarassed about her less-than Chandleresque youth and is running scared as one by one people that knew her are starting to appear. Fortunately for her she wasn't the only stripper in that Florida bar. When she got to Pine Valley Mark Consuelos saw her and RAN like the wind because he, too, had been a stripper there. He gave some lame excuse to the producers about a movie with Benjamin Bratt and fled. Oh those soap opera secrets.... they're killers, aren't they? ADAM AND LIZA: If this keeps going the way it is they might BOTH end up in Oakhaven. Talk about conflict. Talk about confusion. Talk about Colby being with two NUTCASES. Everyone knows exactly what they want and all involved seem to be able to weild enough POWER to achieve it... call the lawyer, grab the video tape.. OH WAIT: LOOK... that's us saying lovely words to each other. The truth about Liza and Adam is simple. They are the same person. There is no difference. Both of them are innocent. Neither one of them is guilty. Tomorrow both of them will be guilty and neither one will be innocent. WHO WILL WIN? Well nobody, of course... especially Colby. Will they realize it? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It is a soap opera and therefore fun to be able to watch powerful people do whatever they want, however they want to do it AND get away with it. LIZA and ADAM.... are making me DIZZY. ANTON: Word is that there is a return engagement for Dimitri's son ANTON in store. One rumor actually had the boy being related to LEO. HUH? That's just silly. If Leo and Anton were brothers would that mean that COUNT Dimitri Marick were to be Leo's father? AND... if that were even being considered... wouldn't that mean DIMITRI would be necessary in the Valley once again? Quick... someone call Michael Nader's agent. What IF Anton were to come back. Wouldn't it be more appropriate that he be returning because of Kendall? They were, after all, an item before she hooked up with DEL way back when. Maybe Anton will come back to reclaim the daughter of the diva? Maybe he'll have competition as she slowly turns herself into Anna Nicole Courtlandt? I say they SHOULD bring back Anton. Pine Valley just does not have enough Eurotrash!! There is another Pine Valley out there.. We'll call it Pine Valley West. It is where the characters go when they leave Pine Valley Pennsylvania. There is, however, a catch. When they arrive they are ZAPPED of all memory. Sort of like the way they neuralize the people who have seen aliens on Men in Black. Maureen IS really Maria... but she honestly doesn't know it. She is convinced that anyone who would suggest that she is NOT Maureen must be a stalker or a rather dense and annoying person. If Brooke were smart she would follow Maureen back from that hospital to PV West and there she would find Trevor, Dimitri, Donna, Ted Orsini, Billy Clyde, Gillian and all manner of strays wandering around with different names. This will be the biggest mystery to ever be uncovered. If only Brooke... our favorite magazine editor... would follow her instincts and stop the badly staged throwing of lamps around hotel rooms in Nevada. Alas. We may never be able to uncover Pine Valley West. THE TOP 10 Reasons Jesse Hubbard may never live in Pine Valley again: 10) HE DEAD. 9) He's protesting the lack of diversity in the lily white Valley. 8) Apparently he's got nothing to wear, we keep seeing that same outfit. 7) He wanted to fill in for Mateo but they wouldn't go for it. 6) Pine Valley hasn't got a Sizzler. 5) He's on a waiting list for returning dead people and it doesn't look good right now. 4) He doesn't want to have to work for Anna Devane as Chief of Police. 3) He's very busy creating crop circles in various parts of Kansas. 2) He's holding out for the return of Jenny and Greg. 1) He's too busy dating JLO. Oh... wait... that's Ben Afleck.... David and Maureen: Is there anyone else that is delighted because they believe that our dastardly DOC is becoming the evil schemer again? WELL... I would like to believe that he is back to his evil ways... and there is NO doubt that there is a LOT of scheming going on... but I am not convinced that it is about anything EVIL. The David that we know does things in order to achieve the goals that he wants. I KNOW that he is happy with Anna right now... and they even threw in the BABY talk in what I see as a RED HERRING to get us as far away from the TRUTH of his motives. AND WHAT MIGHT THAT BE? Let's review. He has run off to Europe a few times and is being secretive about THAT... think about it. What has David been devious about endlessly before? DIXIE. If you ask me Maureen/Maria has something that will HELP our little blondie gal. She is probably NOT dead. She is probably hooked up to some machine in DESPERATE need of a transplanted organ of some sort... and Maureen/Maria was on that donor list. Remember who David is... OR... he's Proteus and she is a henchman. hahahahaha For days in some hospital in Nevada there were (at least) two women walking around the hallway by the reception desk (endlessly, I might add)in purple shirts. WHAT GIVES? When Tad came to the hospital to look for Maureen and ran into that same woman hanging out in the same place all I could picture was the old television game show "What's My Line?" "My name is Maureen Gorman". "MY name is Maureen Gorman" "No... MY name is Maureen Gorman!"... ENOUGH. Will the REAL Maureen Gorman PLEASE stand up. (Oh... and Maria, can you get your butt to Pine Valley?) On Petey: How many of you remember a movie called "The Bad Seed"? Is it time for Brooke to CHANGE? Wouldn't it be fun if she actually DID sell her soul to the devil and became a roaring BEEYATCH in Pine Valley? Brooke with an EDGE? Kitten with a WHIP? Run around slapping them other HO's in the face and saying a few choice words.... Brookie herself admits to being SICK of all the crying.. (ok.. every now and then for the Emmy reel.) I vote for Brooke to STOP the bleeding heart routine and take up her OWN alternate personality. Anyone who would like to see another BROOKIE persona, raise your hand right now. There... that's what I thought. You agree with me. I, for one, am DELIGHTED that Palmer is not only getting a storyline... but ISN'T being conned by Kendall. He is enjoying himself. SHE reminds him of himself. RIGHT ON. And Kendall as a NANNY? Suddenly all I can picture is Fran Drescher. bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Hey.... should Tim be fooling around so soon? Won't he pop some stiches? Eddie's TO DO list for the week: >See Chief of Police about personal business - (Done.) >Put latest issue of Tempo to bed while Brooke has her 19th Nervous breakdown. - (Done.) >Yell at Tad - (Done.) >Pick up some fajitas for the kids. - (Done.) >Talk suspiciously to self in public places - (Done.) >Say "Maria" about 700 times. - (Done.) >Talk to the world's fastest detective. - (Done.) >Act all cool, suave and coy. - (Always.) >Shave eyebrows... - (Maybe next week..) POLL: When you went on YOUR honeymoon did YOU get a haircut and style? Somehow that just doesn't seem to be the right time for a visit to the beauty parlor... what did Leo do during this period of time play a round of golf? Pose for a few new (tasteful)nudes? It's just whacky I tell ya. I'm ready now... who the HELL is Trey? He's someone's son... but whose brother? What is the connection and WHY don't we know? I have to stick with the original thought that popped into my mind. He is related somehow to DAVID. I think he is David's son. Call it a hunch. Nessy has known this all along. But... then... she isn't necessarily going to be Vanessa any longer. RUMOR has it she's going to be June Cleaver now. Hey... I predicted that too (except I said she'd turn into RUTH MARTIN.) Whatever works. Just keep Marj ON. FINALLY: Maria is in Pine Valley. FINALLY: She is no longer wearing that combination purple shirt and push-up bra FINALLY:Vanessa might have some lines. FINALLY: Ruth Martin makes an banana cream pie and not that same boring APPLE one. FINALLY: People are using the airlines instead of the much overused Portals. FINALLY:Jake is going to get a girlfriend... haha just kidding. FINALLY: Brooke and Edmund can live happily ever after or at least for a couple of weeks. So Chris Stamp is nothing but an Erica Lap-dog now? A body-guard? A yes-man? Is he on her personal staff? Is he receiving a paycheck? He has about 40 different careers... can anyone tell me why he isn't working? Ok... I've officially just spent more time complaining about Chris than he was on the show this entire week. LAST but not least: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the teaming of Kendall and Greenlee. BRILLIANCE. They will be PERFECT together in their mistrust and competititive ways. There will be the common bond of screwing the DIVA... and that is about all it takes... so the two mini-divas equal the MAIN diva NOW... but something tells me the coy and oh-so-sure of herself Ms. Kane is about to do nothing but become the REASON both Greens and Kendall rise to the top of the heap. BRING IT ON. Erica in Enchantment is far more interesting than her pretending to be 35 while cooing manipulations to the man dujour. One Life To Live fans: Does ANYONE else get the feeling that they are setting up "Gretyl" aka: RAE CUMMINGS to be Asa's next wife? Right now she is a fraud therapist in ruins being sued by the world... and ASA has taken a distinct interest in making her life as difficult as possible... to the point of following her around and harassing her. This is classic soap stuff, folks. He'll end up falling for her and Gretyl will become a BUCHANAN.... what does this MEAN? It means that SKYE will have the most powerful man in each of the main soap operas as her FATHER. First there was Adam Chandler... then Alan Quartermaine... and then Asa Buchanan? That's quite a pedigree if you ask me. (not to mention a pretty bizarre twist in character for Rae...er...Gretyl.)

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY07/28: SORRY to all of those out there that see David and Anna as a couple that is going to go the distance. I will NOT disagree that they have become interesting in their 'unusual' attraction to each other. I am, however, seeing that there could be a fly in that ointment (it is, after all, a soap opera, isn't it?) and that fly could very well be Jackson. NOW... I am reading something in the manner that Jack 'handles' himself with Anna. Sure... it is all about the fact that he doesn't like Dr. David one iota... but at the same time it is CLASSIC love / hate behavior when two key characters do nothing but rub each other the wrong way. So what is happening with our changed Doc and the woman that he is willing to divorce for the better good of what she really needs in her life (what a guy...)? Suffice it to say that I do not think that pairing is anywhere near over... it's just that I don't see it remaining as exclusive as it may seem now.. OTHERS, of course, would insist that Jackson is about to be re-teamed with Erica. I see ONLY that Erica will pay attention to Jack a different way SIMPLY because Jackie is going to be on the map again. Whether it be with MARY SMYTHE, ANNA or even someone else that hasn't yet been considered... Erica will not be getting the normal amount of 'attention' that she is used to. SURE... she has Chris... but for how long? There HAS to be a problem with that relationship on the horizon. WHY? Because it is boring as SIN. The real juice will be in the roles changing within the dynamic of the Erica / Jack relationship... BUT I wouldn't get any hopes up to high... because this time around I truly believe that the MAN in this dynamic has done the most of the changing. Jackson KNOWS BETTER than to go down that all too familiar road again. I just don't believe for a moment that Erica's 'what about ME' flirtations would turn his otherwise very smart mind right back to panting mode. But who knows... she's done it in the past and GOD KNOWS the soaps are known to run the same tape where it has worked in the past. What about Mary Smythe? Is Anna Stuart sticking around to make this delicious take on upper-crust trash a standard for the PV ladies of finer lineage? According to the latest SOW that would be a big NO. The report would have it that Ms. Stuart is quite temporary. BUT I disagree. Characters like this don't come along very often and she is KEY to a good many people on the canvas at the moment. MY GUESS is that a report such as the one being offered in SOW is, in itself, a red-herring to help the reading audience believe that JACK Will indeed set his goals for the mini-diva again. Don't ask me why... but I believe that Mary is going to stick around to cause more problems and remind the little peanut Greenlee that she comes from very strange and dysfunctional stock. And I LOVE Greenlee... but let's be REAL here... could we dispense with the victimization. I KNOW that daddy just died (so when is it that we are going to discover he was NOT daddy?) but the Greenlee that I really like to see is the one that is ripping and roaring through the scene making proclamations and giving orders. Where is our little Erica wannabee? Where is the Revlon connection? Where is the SPUNK that made Greenlee who she REALLY is? The tears come very well for our Ms. Buddig. The Emmy reel is now set. Get back to BEEYATCH mode, girl... and do me a favor and take Simone with you!! THE TOP 10 Reasons Vanessa became catatonic: 10) She hasn't been all that happy with the writers lately. 9) She heard that Mark Consuelos got a movie role. 8) Her oxygen tank was cut out of the ABC budget. 7) She saw Dr. Joe naked. 6) She remembered there were 3 more years on her contract. 5) Her agent can't get her booked on Kelly and Regis. 4) Too much sugar at the craftservice table. 3) She learned one of her personalities would be Ruth Martin. 2) She got confused and thinks that Mark Pinter is really dead. 1) She isn't catatonic at all... it was just a bad botox injection. Aidan and Binky: It would be almost downright irresponsible for ALL MY CHILDREN to decide that Aidan or ANY man would be able to turn our resident Lesbian into a heterosexual. FORTUNATELY I see this as just another one of those 'it'sn not what you think' moments. Aidan is more than likely playing this little GAME in order to work on Kendall a little... and we all know that Kendall will not stay single TOO long. Binks is and has been rather vocal about who she is. She is a strong and sometimes rather OPINIONATED character. No English accent and hot sweaty torso would be able to change this around. HOW MUCH do you want to BET that our lady ERICA is behind this "DATE"? Perhaps Chris FOR Erica? This smacks of pay off from a million KANE miles away. I am laying odds... GO LIZA! GO LIZA! GO LIZA! GO LIZA! You gotta love that Liza is getting back at Adam... but WAIT... now Adam knows that Liza knows that Adam knows that Liza knows about Adam knowing about Liza. Who's gaslighting Whom? Isn't marriage a beautiful thing? I would like to say how PLEASANT it was to see JESSE HUBBARD back in town... so to speak. What was best about this little twist in casting was the fact that literally nobody reported the actor visiting the show again. That, in this day of reports, scoops and rumors is almost unheard of. Remember those days when we actually watched the show and DIDN'T know what was going to happen or who would show up? BRAVA!! This weeks shining pratfall award goes to: SIMONE. Her fall from the bar after taking the pills along with her double vodkas (slightly obviously too I might add) was the way a fall SHOULD be done. MIGHT I suggest that Brooke take a lesson or two from Missy Simone? Was Erica on summer vacation this week... or perhaps off sealing the deal that she will never turn 50? Frankie Hubbard: Is he too big to be Frankie? Dr. Frank perhaps? The rumors have the young man rather quickly involved with a couple of storylines. We already know that he is SOMEHOW a part of the Mia / baby storyline.... is he the father of the child? Does he KNOW that he is the father of the child? I have heard tell that Mia and Frankie have a somewhat SORDID history that may have been the REASON they produced a child. Hmmm could the sweet girl and the boy wonder intern have been involved in some PORN in order to pay the bills? Mia is definitely ashamed of something AND there was that mention that Frankie had gone off to be the biggest DIRECTOR in Hollywood. SOMETHING tells me this is the BIG secret that is being held over the pixie's head.... HOW will Adam feel when he finds out that his little sister-in-law can be viewed regularly on DVD? Ahh, youth... the choices we make are so silly. I also see Frankie coming to the rescue of the most annoying sniveling victim this show has seen since HAYLEY in one of her "the world is so cruel" phases. SIMONE... GOD what a whiner. But what is this story with the ever-changing father that keeps brushing her off as though she had committed some similar sins in the past? Has DADDY come to the rescue of his daughter after the poor choices in the past? Is it simple arrogance or ego that has him denying her the support she seems to so truly need at the moment OR... did she somehow involve DADDY in the mistakes of the past? Hmmm... And do we have a love story brewing that will make the Martin-like intern Frankie turn a bit more into a Hayward wannabe? It took a while for the young Hubbard to show up... and already it feels as though he has been there a VERY long time... DON'T YOU JUST LOVE: When a doctor like Jake comes into a hospital room and finds that he knows the patient just rushed in? HELLO!! There are about 20 people in this town WHY do these people act surprised when they see someone they know?? It is always amazing to me that people in Pine Valley go to the same restaurant day in and day out (The Valley Inn or BJs) and then act stunned when they see the very person in town that they don't want to see. Wow... what a shocker. Go figure. Then they always mutter something about going somewhere else. SORRY... that would require building another set. Unless you want peanuts at the PIT off the highway YOU'RE STUCK... so just walk on over there and say something catty and get it over with. As for Jake and the hospital... dude... if it weren't Simone it would have been Hayley's turn... or Greenlee... or Anna... or... well you get the picture. Brooke to Eddie: "I just want to be totally open and honest." Two days later: Brooke to Eddie: "I just want to be totally open and honest." Two more days go by: Brooke to Eddie: "I just want to be totally open and honest." STILL NO MARIA.... remember when records skipped? SOMEONE move this one ALONG!! When Palmer first 'hooked up' with VANESSA (when she was just a heavy breathing con trying to be a socialite) he did it to GET BACK at Opal. Opal seethed and twitched when she saw the "old coot" with Nessy and that made Palmer VERY happy. Is it a coincidence that OPAL is back in the picture with Palmer as he tries his hardest to do EXACTLY the opposite of what she would like... by extending himself to Kendall? I, for one, would LOVE to see this play out. It works. It's PERFECT to bring the three actors to the forefront. Palmer IS an old coot... but he's still a lot of fun. OPAL, as we all know, has to be the most enjoyable of the characters to write for... and GOD LOVES the hairdos... Kendall will get a new lease on Pine Valley life AND just WAIT until Erica and Binky get a load of this twist in the plot. I LOVE IT. Thumbs UP. What if: Roger WEREN'T dead at all? What if this were all YET another twist in the longest storyline in history? What if Roger is gone... and that coffin that Greens wanted TORCHED on Wednesday... is filled with the $$$$ from the house that Proteus built? Did Frankie call Mia "Rocky?" Is she going to end up punching out a few folks in the Valley? HINT HINT HINT: The cold and seemingly heartless personality that Dr. Zeke (Simone's father) possesses is tell-tale of a man who has been through whatever it is he warns against. SO... the scene that found the PSYCHIATRIST (would you want that snarly beast telling you how to help YOUR LIFE?) scolding and warning Frankie about getting EMOTIONALLY involved with a patient (death to the career, he said...) was a first big clue to the storyline in a couple of ways. FOR ONE: it is a direct challenge to the young doctor (Frankie). To be told NOT to do something is naturally the key to its happening. Frankie is most definitely going to champion our sniveling victim Simone and WILL be emotionally involved in no time whatsoever. PLUS: It would be my guess that Simone's mother was a patient of Dr. Zeke at one time... it stands to reason that the bitterness that the man feels has something to do with HER. Now... it would also seem that Simone has taken the fall for this unfortunate MISHAP in the past that is turning the DOC into a snappy, scowling mess. Boy they sure do know how to hire them at Pine Valley Hospital don't they... LAST but not least: This week's FINALLY: Brooke is face to face with MARIA / Maureen and DOESN'T faint. She know's it is her (even though we know that "Maureen" will undoubtedly try and convince her she is just a look-alike.) NOW... talk about your major coincidences..... Brookie walks into that hospital in Nevada (obviously straight out of the portal) and asks for Maureen Gorman. The busy nursie points to the tall dark woman with brown hair and a purple shirt. Slowly Brookie makes her way over and places her hand on the woman's shoulder. WHOOPS... not her but BOY does she look like her. Brooke turns around and talks to herself for a moment and LO AND BEHOLD who comes around the corner but the REAL Maria. Timing is everything. And to add the icing to that cake? She's dressed almost identically to the woman that nursie had pointed to. I will say that the look these two shared to end off the week was rather a memorable one. Worth the wait. More will be revealed.... sometime in 2002. ;-)

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY07/21: Give the boy a damn FATHER! I thought about this and I am rounding a corner that I have been to before. Since Leo first landed in Pine Valley we've all been speculating about who dad was going to be. It was actually rather touching when he had his heart to heart with the COUNT... you could feel that Leo really liked this guy and wouldn't have minded the relationship... (I pictured Leo humming "Don't it make my brown eyes BLUE.."). SO HERE GOES... Who's DAD? Personally I think it would be a DOWNER for the father to turn out to be WOLFIE... we didn't even KNOW the schnook. We now see that Vanessa (in her own drugged out primadonna way) really loves the boy and doesn't want to see him get hurt... SO... I suspect that a true confession is imminent. SO... I am going out on a familiar limb and predicting that ERIC KANE is going to be the father to the boy. WHY NOT? Nessy was a starlet and Eric was a director. Leo would then be a part of the KANE family and have ties to Erica and BINKS... which is perfectly natural. The only other possibility I can see is David, which seems somewhat unlikely unless David was about 10 to 15 when Leo was born to that woman Siohban... (making Nessy a GRANDMOTHER instead of a mother...) WHOMEVER the father ends up being it DOES appear that the new couple DUPRES will each be handed a wedding gift in the form of an identity of their fathers. Ahh Pine Valley is such a fun place. Ok... so how many of you want to ask your parents for a DNA test just in case? BROOKE... honey... it was about that FALL (if that's what you could call it) on Tuesday. Are you too old for a real prat fall? Having a little problem with that hip? Is your back out? You're a wonderful crier... GOD KNOWS the tears easily flow... but leave the stunts for someone who can actually do them. Next time maybe you should fall into someone's arms? A WEEK OF FINALLYs: FINALLY Brooke sees Maria. FINALLY Greens calls Simone a 'bed-hopping skank'. FINALLY Leo and Greenlee got married. FINALLY Palmer was on the show again. FINALLY Fraggie is getting a storyline. FINALLY Opal gets what she wants (sort of) FINALLY Liza starts to put the pieces together. FINALLY Erica reaches out her hand and accepts Kendall. (ok... that one didn't happen.) Does anyone else get the FEELING that Ted Orsini might be back in the picture? I mean... NOT ONLY did TAD start mentioning his doppleganger... but it also seemed that Maria was more afraid of HIS voice and presence than anything else. It would almost appear that our Ms. Gorman might have been struck with a touch of that pesky soap opera amnesia only to meet Mr. Orsini (perhaps at a casino crap table?). Something has gone wrong with that relationship and NOW she would appear to be running AWAY from the recognizable voice. She didn't seem to know who Brooke was at all. IN FACT... she ran over to help the woman after her really badly done fall (ok... enough about that.) So what if our fav Mr. Michael E. Knight is getting a double duty role storyline? Why not? If Vicki Lord Davidson can bring back Nicki Smith for the 700th time (don't get me wrong I LOVE Nicki!) why shouldn't the Tad /Ted storyline get another visit? BRING IT ON> The TOP 10 Reasons Mark Consuelos REALLY left the show: 10) He was sick of working with all those nasty tall people. 9) One of the kids on the set bit his pointing finger. 8) The Oompa Loompas needed him back. 7) Maria and Mateo feud? 6) Horrific teeth cleaning accident. 5) The actor who plays his son went to the producers and had him fired for naming him Enzo. 4) He couldn't stand that beeyatch that played his wife on the show. 3) He's going on tour as a stripper. 2) He Accidentally stepped on Susan Lucci and was banned for life from the set. 1) Kathie Lee needed a co-host for her new morning show. THE BIG HAIR REPORT: So you think that Chris Stamp has BIG hair now... take a look at this photo of Mr. Scalia playing Joey Buttafuoco in a 1993 television movie: CLICK HERE FOR BIG HAIR Why are the candles used in soap operas ALWAYS new? Perhaps there is someone I could write to for the candles that are no longer being used? There must be TONS of them. Let me know and I will send you my address. ;-) Killing off the old folks: There have been rumors rampant for several months that Myrtle would be leaving the show... at one point she was, according to some, supposed to die and give LaLucci a 'losing her second mother' storyline. This could still happen. NOW Palmer is in the hospital and in ill health. Is this the end of THAT character OR could it finally be the impetus for a reunion between he and OPAL (who desperately needs to be something besides give us comic relief once a month...) It is obvious that James Mitchell and Eileen Herlie are not as spry as they once were in Pine Valley (or the real world..)... it would makes sense that they (and the never present anymore Ruth Warrick) will or might be written out of the show at some point. Let's face it... after all the years put into the roles wouldn't it be better than just disappearing? Can anyone say LANGLEY? Mia, Mia, Mia... GIRL does someone have to drop a BRICK on your head? You're so sweet and sincere. You couldn't possibly be a bad girl now COULD YOU? What is wrong with this picture? Is there anything that we are not seeing? PLENTY. Mia has secrets or some sort of history with several key characters at this point. Trey has something on her, Adam is using her for his own agenda, Liza is her sister and confided with her about the money, Marian will protect Liza in the end, Frankie is undoubtedly the father of her child, Jake is going to be the big brave he-man because of his involvement... AND there is Mia looking like she just stepped out of HEE HAW saying "AW SHUCKS"... such innocence. NOT. Something tells me that this girl I am suggesting should buy a clue is actually full of them. I might suggest that she is fully in charge of the situation AND might actually be doing a little playing on her own. SHE WANTS Adam, if you ask me. She wants Jake too... but he doesn't have the POWER that Adam possesses. She wants Trey out of the way and will somehow and SOME WAY turn the tables on him (remember that Trey has a secret too). I actually believe that Mia doesn't want to hurt Liza... but as she sees the nails coming towards her the tune will change. OR... it is entirely possible that Mia could figure out the tactics currently being used by ADAM and join in an alliance with Liza to make sure that Adam gets his. At this point there are many interesting scenarios that could take place... NONE of them, however (IMHO), paint her as an innocent. She sure does play that well though.... doesn't she. CEASE FIRE at PV Hospital? What did I miss? When is it that Jakey decided that he was no longer at WAR with David Hayward? They love him, they hate him, he is the devil's spawn and then he is the man who saves ALL lives. It's funny with a show like AMC. You can miss ONE line in a show and something will simply not make sense as a result. What I do know is that what I saw was a cordial Jake having a nice conversation with David about work getting a person's mind off of things and that he would be on the schedule. NO harsh words. No inuendos. NO nasty comments. NO evil looks from either one of these two sparring partners. SO WHAT GIVES? Why is it all of a sudden warm and fuzzy in PV Hospital? I'll take a stab at it. ADAM CHANDLER is about to find himself with some formidable FOES. All right... he already has plenty... but the fact that Jake is already out there 'protecting' MIA from the big bad Silver haired devil tells me that SOMEHOW and SOME WAY there will be an involvement of Jake and David in wrestling Adam to the ground. David has been so good lately. Isn't it about time that he did something nasty again? Ok... so now Jack has a storyline.... could somebody write in some SEX so he can smile? Or at least stop barking, shifting and rolling his eyes at everyone around him? He's clearly a man who is intensely frustrated and wants to blame the world around him. How long has it been anyway? 2 years? 3? Good lord send the guy away for a private weekend!! Get him a HOOKER... do SOMETHING! The portal is alive and well: Did anyone else happen to notice earlier in the week that Eddie, who was in Pine Valley being self-righteous with Simone one moment, is told that Brooke and Tad kissed and is suddenly opening the hotel room door in NEVADA where the former man and wife were staying? Hmmmmm... for a period of time (Leo and Greenlee's wedding day seemed to be lasting well over a week) that was running so LONG... Eddie sure did know how to get where he wanted to be rather fast. He must have some frequent PORTAL miles and a quick connection to a POD. That would explain his quick appearance nearly 3000 miles away... but how on EARTH did the guy know NOT ONLY what hotel these two were in... but what ROOM? It seems to me the guy at the front desk wasn't giving out any information like that. Maybe Eddie paid off the guy and asked him to point the finger to the room where "Studmuffin" was staying. Yea... that must be it. Over in Llanview, Pennsylvania there was a moment at the big WOMAN of the YEAR dinner honoring one RAE CUMMINGS that Nora was announcing her and Asa stood up and announced that "RAY CUMMINGS IS A MAN". I had to laugh. It would have been a perfect daytime memory for years to come were that REALLY the case. For those of you who may not know the storyline (but should actually be familiar with the character as she has connections to Pine Valley) RAE Cummings is the town Psychiatrist for the nut jobs that inhabit Llanview. OR IS SHE? Apparantely RAE Cummings is a fraud and that was what Asa was referring to. When Gretyl (her real name) was in college she wasn't able to graduate because she was too emotionally attached to the type of work she was going for. When she wasn't going to get the degree in Psychiatry she ended up taking the diploma of a man she had gone to college with who HAD graduated. She happened to notice that the college mispelled his first name substituting the letter 'E' for 'Y' and thus had her middle name changed legally to RAE to explain the name. So... you see... RAY CUMMINGS IS a man. Unfortunately Gretyl Rae Cummings is really a woman. Oh well... it would have been fun. Sort of like Tootsie in a way. ALL these lies, however, continue to make me wonder if there really IS any connection between RAE and our Myrtle and RAE and Skye CHANDLER. Are we leading up to some new revelations in those areas? Stay tuned. LAST but not least: Where do we suppose they will be taking the 'pairing' of Palmer and Kendall? Will it go anywhere at all? It was totally set up with Erica in the hospital as a soft spot in Palmer left there because of the death of Dixie. I would suggest that there is ROOM in that old ticker for Kendall to fill the space. But HOW? Are we talking "Sugar Daddy?" Will our Kendall become the thin equivalent of Anna Nicole Smith? Doubtful. I really do believe that Palmer and Opal will begin to become closer (and already have.) Kendall will become the 'niece' that Palmer seems to be lacking now. She will play the role with all of her might but I suspect that both characters will grow fond of each other in a platonic way that makes EVERYONE ELSE rather crazy in Pine Valley. Why not? Could Palmer be the glue that bonds Erica with her daughter in the future? Could Kendall help the curmudgeonly old man remember just how much Opal cares for him? Will ANY of the people in Palmer's life allow the old COOT to do what he wants without having their two cents thrown in to the mix? FAT CHANCE. Kendall is about to come in to her own. She is going to become an honorary Courtlandt MUCH to the dismay of Erica AND will thus have enough money to do and be exactly what she wants. I might even go as far as to guess that her 'involvement' with Palmer could be an opening to a storyline that would have Palmer leaving the show AND Kendall being the MAIN beneficiary in his will. I am also going to guess that PETEY is going to LOVE our gal Kendall, much to the dismay of Opal. So Kendall is not going anywhere... it would seem she had found her ace in the hole. Oh... One more thing: Have we ever noticed that there is ALWAYS someone with a brown envelope in Pine Valley. Yes... that wonderful brown envelope filled with the unnamed amount of CASH for whomever it is being delivered to leave town. This week it was Chris (who has no real income that I am aware of) delivering the tidy sum to Kendall (she has previously received the plain brown envelope from Uncle Jack... and spent it.) I have decided to move to Pine Valley JUST to annoy all the rich folks. I would like to make it clear that I will need to see brown envelopes from Adam, Liza, Palmer, Erica, Chris, Jack, Grandpa Smythe, and whomever else has enough in the bank that it really wouldn't make a difference. Then I will move to Llanview and see if I can work the plain brown envelope trick over there as well. Oh... One more thing on top of the one more thing: Don't you think at THIS point people in Pine Valley would get a clue and NOT go to the weddings? I mean REALLY... these things are never anything but a disaster and OFTEN lead to at least ONE death. That can't be a good risk. It certainly is a lousy percentage. Are YOU feeling lucky today?

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY07/14: Whyi oh whyi do zey alwveys meck ze Frahnch acksents zound zo FECK? Oui, oui.. du yew ZEE vut I meeeen? George Pompidou, Eiffel Towah and all ZAT stuff... ZEE... I zay the FRAHNCH theengs and zat makes ME a FRAHNCHMAN az well!! Oui oui. From Jake's New Book "How NOT to be a Doctor": When approaching the mother of a young patient who has just had a TRANSPLANT make sure to look dour and foreboding as though there is some awful complication or the surgery was not successful. As soon as the parent's heart rate is raised and they are convinced their child is a goner THEN and ONLY THEN should you tell them that everything is all right and to start saving for the kid's college education. WAY TO GO, Jakey. So... how did Wolfie get the gun through today's customs from France to Pine Valley? They don't have security in the PORTAL? Oh... and wasn't Wolfie cocking a RIFLE in France? Last minute decision? Did he change guns like some people change outfits before a trip? "NO... I don't like Zis one... it izzz to beeg for ze trip!! I vil take Zis one and make zure to take it out and show all ze peoples that I am ze bad guy.." Ok. I will try to dispense with the French jokes now. HEY!! SCOOP here: I know why Tim Dillon came to Pine Valley!! Because he has a SECRET. Everyone who has a secret must go to Pine Valley with that secret. It's in the rule book. It's a HUGE best seller in France... of course over there it's called "ZE Rule Book". This week will go down as the week Binky got BUTCH. Now, when she finally DOES have that relationship that Disney dreads we will know who wears the pants. Kendall to Erica: "You ROYAL BITCH". Now... I always KNEW she was a DIVA... but now she's been elevated to ROYALTY? Kendall... stop raising the pedestal!! The TOP 10 REASONS that Leo and Greenlee should NOT get married: 10) Because they live in Pine Valley? 9) Miss Cleo predicted problems... what? She's been arrested? She's a fake? That was OPAL? 8) Because Maria will come crashing through the doors thinking it is Brooke and Edmund's wedding and make a complete ASS out of herself. 7) Leo is still mad because Greenlee wouldn't let him invite the leather pants to the ceremony. 6) HELLO!! Lightning struck the church... if that ain't a SIGN I don't know what would be.. 5) Has anyone checked the accounting over at REVLON yet? 4) If Greens is the new Erica she had better get started, she's about 10 marriages behind. Oh... wait... that would be a reason why she SHOULD get married. 3)Word is that Laura is in town and might be creeping around in the ceiling looking for the sprinkler system. 2)Are they really ready? They've only been engaged 3 times. Is that enough? 1)For God's SAKE, Kids... Take a good long hard look at your parents! Oh wait... just who ARE your parents? The EYES have it: Lucky Leo wasn't out on the CON for the day in school that told him all about genes and eye color. Lucky TOO that he was actually paying attention to Greens in bed as she casually mentioned the "C" word on the morning of the wedding (now known as the longest day). If Leo hadn't been able to recall that science fact he may have gone on believing that he was going to become a short, pudgy and balding Frenchman when he got older. I'll bet he was relieved.... gosh I sure was. Oakhaven Sanitarium, it would seem, is attached to Pine Valley hospital. Our Doctor Wagner from Vienna (aka Wolfie the bad guy) walked in with his fake credentials just as easily as pie. Vanessa's room (complete with phone and a hidden beauty parlor) is easily accessible. It is equipped with what we call "convenient soundproofing" meaning some conversations are private and nefarious while others are heard readily right outside that door... take for example: Vanessa pounded and pounded and nobody heard while moments later Wolfie ze bad guy tapped lightly and the door immediately opened to a guard that must have been off getting a sprinkled donut a moment before. And that Chief of staff...my GOD what a namby pamby... he may as well have been an ACTOR in a lab coat. What? It was an actor? They're ALL actors? OH MY GOD! I thought they were real. Perhaps it is I that needs the sanitarium. I wonder if they would give me a TV in my room.... Opal must be the best character to write for. You can get away with so much in her dialogue. GOD I love her. Nuff said. Why aren't we seeing some more work scenes in Erica's new Penthouse apartment? Why isn't Aidan up there toiling without a shirt? I demand to know. Jakey might be getting back in the picture as a part of the story with Adam, Liza and Mia... the question would have to be HOW? There are some things that point to Jake taking ON the Silver-haired fox as he has in the past. Deja vu. There is the possibility that he is going to move on from the Mia relationship merely because the man is self-righteous and she won't listen to his warnings. But it could go both ways. What if JAKE were to throw the warnings at Mia and suddenly... a little bit down the road, she hears it when she is seeing Adam at his 'best' and runs to Jake for help? PERSONALLY, even though we are seeing that Adam is playing Mia for his own nasty purposes I STILL believe that he is going to fall in love with her. If you ask me the Head Chandler is not the sort that stays out of 'love' very long. He needs someone around him to add to the aura of power and because he believes that he can be the romantic and loving husband (but don't ask any of his exes about that...)There is only one other option for Jake... He could become the new Jack. How? He could exist in Pine Valley as the studly pathetic who rarely IF EVER has a relationship. Some of these people just don't know how to pick their mates, do they... Looks can be deceiving: Liza and Adam are in the thick of it now. Adam is working the nefarious plan to gaslight his wifey and she is alternating between the doe-eyed routine and the angry blonde. Either one of those personas would not look to be the best way to go for Liza. Adam is, it would appear, winning this game as he has in the past. NOT A CHANCE. Times are a changing in Pine Valley. ADAM is going to LOSE this battle. I not only theorize this I am adamant (get it? ADAMant?) that this is the case. WHY? Because WE ALL KNOW that Liza is no loser. There isn't a chance in HELL that she is going to fall for all this BS that Hubby is pulling on her. I would suggest that she might allow Adam to BELIEVE that she is believing it. I would suggest that she is going to play him by appearing to allow him to play her. IN THE END there will be a turnaround that will surprise EVERYONE, and most definitely Adam. Here's the twist. I am saying that Liza will win this battle with glorious colors... but don't you know that this is what made Adam fall in love with Liza in the first place? Adam will be angered and it will seem like one of those endless messes that results in a bit more retribution on his part... BUT.. It could also be that Adam will genuinely rediscover the love he has always had for the strong minded and willed Liza simply by her having beaten him. Stay tuned... it could take a while.. but I am NOT sure that Adam and Liza are completely done. Rumor (and an SOD article) says that the suddenly in demand Jackson Montgomery will be mixing it up with Erica again. zzzzzzzzz... oh sorry.... that news put me to sleep. IMHO this is NOT going to go anywhere further than it has been going for the past several years. In other words... what this is going to be all about is ERICA's colossal EGO. It is a law in nature that people like things as they are for their own conveniences. FOR YEARS now Jackson his pined over the diminutive diva and Erica has ALWAYS liked it that way. SO... when Jackson is now FINALLY going to be moving on to a relationship that moves beyond an interupted dinner in the Valley Inn with some extra... Erica will see that her 'sure thing'... (or groupie if you will) is leaving his "job". The green-eyed monster will strike and MARY will get the brunt of this. BUT.. by NO MEANS do I see Jackson and Erica getting 'back together'. I know there was an article, kids... but by now you MUST have heard of a red-herring. Candles in Pine Valley: I love candles. I love romance. I love that people can turn things into beautiful and memorable love nests.... but for GOD's SAKE... when on EARTH did Leo have the time to set up the boathouse as ornately as it was? Did he plan ahead for this? Was there some point that he called up some flunky and had them run over to the Pine Valley WalMart and purchase all the necessary goods? HOW DID HE DO THAT? Better yet... how long was that boathouse set up as it was? Wouldn't anyone else have stumbled on it? I fully expect that there is some place in Pine Valley that you have to reserve the boathouse for your personal use so that people won't all go there at the same time. Wouldn't it have been ironic for Leo to leave that hideous wedding with Greens and pop up to the boathouse to see it raging in FIRE because there was one too many candles? Sorry... I'm being to practical. I love the candles. Nice job Leo.. you can take up party and atmospheric decoration and design to support Greens in your marriage. See? You DO have other talents besides gigolo and CON. LAST but not least: Maybe ABC will do another cross-over as Adam, in his continued gaslighting attempt of Liza, tries to get ahold of Dr. Zeke MacMillan and cannot do so. So he calls Rae Cummings. Rae jumps at the opportunity and moves to Pine Valley where people still don't know that she is a roaring FAKE. In PV she sets up the bogus office and starts to treat patients. One day, however, Adam's crack team of investigators drives that 5 minute drive to Llandview and discovers the dark and dirty secret that Rae is nothing but an old HO with ratty hair and a couple of bracelets that she bought watching ABC soaps. Adam suddenly wonders if Rae has any OTHER secrets and orders a LONG overdue DNA test for Skye, who is languishing over there in Port Charles. Finally it is determined that Skye IS a Chandler and she moves back into town just in time for the going away party for Hayley. SEE? Some good comes out of Adam's being a control freak.

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY07/07: Adam and Mia revised: For some time now I have thought that the next woman in Adam's life would be Mia. There have been many hints and it is, IMHO, simply the sort of move that Adam would make. It fits. This weeks developments do NOT change that theory. In fact... it only looks like a stronger bet. This is what I am seeing: Adam is at his diabolical BEST. He is back in his evil shell and plotting a mile a minute. When he picked up that message left so carelessly on Liza's cell phone by Trey... tipping him off to the very thing that he thought he knew already you could SEE the wheels turning and the smoke coming out of his ears. THEN Adam later figures out that MIA is in on this somehow by remembering that she had dropped those bank books in front of him at the hospital one day several weeks ago. OUR natural inclination would be that he is going to add Mia to the hit list that Liza is currently topping. Right now that may actually be true. BUT... he is going to play Mia like a violin and attempt to WOO her so as to reel in the theiving wife and once again try to convince her that there is NOTHING wrong when she is seeing everything with her own eyes. The trouble is that MIA will discover that Adam is setting up his wife AND thus setting up MIA as well. She, as it turns out is not going to be the pushover that Adam counted on... and isn't THAT what attracted Adam to Liza in the first place? At some point down the road as this battle with Liza over Colby rages on (AND IT WILL) there is also going to be a turning point where Adam's feelings start to become real for Mia as opposed to part of the "plan". Eventually I expect they will become a couple. BUT... I also believe that in this battle with Liza the winner may not be the one that you expect. If you ask ME... Liza will be the victor in this game of WAR... but the battles are going to take many victims and cause a great deal of casualties. This ought to be GOOD. Mateo revisited: This may not be the best place to talk about the role of Mateo. Once a kindly and unassuming busboy Pine Valley's finger pointing poster child for anger management became a solid BORE to watch (but he did have nice teeth.) NOW he's gone and a new Mateo has climbed into Hayley's arms effortlessly. SURE the guy doesn't have that nasty, snarling, "I'm going to protect my family by doing something absolutely insane" sort of attitude... but he fits the mold for me. WHY? Because he isn't snarling and acting like a big jerk with an ego. Will Mark return? IMHO he will not. SURE the folks at ABC are saying that he will be back... but let's look at some facts: He is going off to make a film. His wifey is loaded. His character has become one-dimensional and subject to criticisms like this one. Mark is going to stay out there and find himself some movie roles because he CAN. Whether or not Kurt remains in the role beyond what was originally anticipated is up to the response he receives and the job that he does. What is important right now is that there is a Mateo there to be reunited with Maria. It's a soap opera, kids... they need the reaction from the key characters. What good would Maria's return be if there were NO key family members there to see her come back? The Top 10 Reasons Maria may have stayed away: 10)There's too much DRAMA in Pine Valley and she's really a comedy sorta gal. 9)Eddie was starting to look like a muppet and she really wanted a young stud. 8)She found out that the Pulitzer Prize was a joke and Eddie is illiterate. 7)She wanted to check out her lesbian tendencies. 6) She watched too much One Life to Live and thought she had multiple personalities like Vicki/Nicki. 5)She was following a pretty butterfly and got lost. 4)She's been searching for her luggage from the crash. 3)She just HAD to get that life long dream of being a showgirl in Las Vegas out of her system. 2)She's never really been gone at all. After the crash she was found by a pack of wolves and nursed back to health. Soon they made her their queen and named her Sheena. She's been living in Pine Valley Jungle over there by Pine Valley Beach. 1)She refused to come back to Pine Valley until Joe Martin was ousted from Chief of Staff at the hospital because the old leach used to fondle her and threaten her job if she told anyone. Speaking of Maria. Isn't it fortunate that she is alive? They were running out of space in the Wildwind Masoleum. Now there will be room again in case one of the other actors wants to become a big star and they need to bring their character to an untimely death. I was worried. Did anyone else notice that Hayley grew another foot this week? OH... wait... she was standing on a soapbox? She was in HIGH and MIGHTY mode? What has gotten into the tink these days? Bad batch of blonde hair coloring? She is a beeeeyatch and If I were Mia I would have SLUGGED her or at the very least told her to mind her own FRIGGIN business. Perhaps if she could have shoved that FOOT she grew into her mouth. RUMOR has it that Hayley's contract is up in the fall.... could she be jealous of Regis who only has ONE job now? She can go if she keeps snarking at everyone like she is the newly crowned Queen of Pine Valley. What is it with this girl... she's either the Queen Beeyatch or a whiney, helpless, needy and pathetic drain of energy. Is there no grey area for our Ms. Ripa? Did she film those scenes after Mark had left and she wasn't getting any? GIVE HER BACK HER PERSONALITY!! Whoops... looks like I climbed up on her soapbox. Let's carry on... This week held the goodbyes for Ryan. There was that very well done "what would it have been like" scene with Liza (cue the shmaltz music), the touching farewell to Gillian in the Masoleum (make sure those candles are lit), and the warm and real novice father and son hugging as chiselbod (a vision in black) was ready to hit the road... Also filmed and for some reason left on the cutting room floor were some other personal goodbyes as Ryan walked through town: "Good-bye ashes of the turret. Good-bye park. Good-bye Boathouse. Good-bye Valley Inn. Good-bye Myrtle's Boarding House. Good-bye Wildwind. Good-bye apartment building that everyone seems to end up living. Good-bye Pine Valley Beach. Good-bye Pine Cone Motel. Good-bye SOS bar. Good-bye Pit Stop bar on the freeway. Good-bye Chandler Mansion. Good-bye Pine Valley Gym. Good-bye Pine Valley Hospital." It is all very touching. Then we find out he is just revisiting all the places that he ripped off his shirt and had sex. They sure didn't waste any time dept.: NuTIM Dillon is on the screen for all of 30 seconds and he is already show us his slim/trim stomach and happy trail. Save that mental picture, ladies and gentlemen. I guarantee you that within a couple of weeks from the 'surgery' our Timmy Dillon is going to be showing off that svelte figure yet again... and there won't be any scars. Pine Valley has the magic of HEALING scars. Just ask Erica (who has had both heart surgery AND a disfiguring facial scar that required a mask)... and remember Laura? She got herself a new heart and was wearing some low-cut blouses within a couple of months... maybe sooner. I have decided that I not only want to get a job in Pine Valley (you know the sort that you don't actually ever have to work on..) but I will also be having ANY necessary surgery in that magical town as well... NO, I do not need surgery. James H. Kenyon III: The plot thickens. Trey is far more a part of Pine Valley now and I am beginning to like the situations. His interactions with the deliciously evil ADAM this week were perfect (and I must say that Trey's portrayer Sam Page held his own with the veteran!) Now we have Trey (or whoever he is) interacting in between Adam, Liza and Mia... working for Vanessa and Kendall and having NO love life to speak of at all... what does this all say? Well... we know he's an imposter with an agenda. Is he looking to find his father? Mother? Was he jilted by a lover? Has he had surgery to look like this Trey Kenyon person or have ALL of those who encountered him in the past (like Mia) only known him to be the imposter? ONE thing that keeps ringing true to me is the pregnant woman that Alex and David knew in college. Somehow this little tidbit of information keeps haunting me and I believe that somehow or some way it will eventually come back. Why not now? What if TREY were really David's son? What if Siohban, who I believe committed suicide... HAD the baby and then died. Perhaps Vanessa has known all of these years and that is why SHE knew Trey? Perhaps she was delusional and just thought she did? All I know is that they keep saying that they will reveal his true identity soon..... well... we're waiting. David has wanted a child... this would be the ultimate payback AND irony. Trevor Dillon: The plot thickens. There was a phone call this week from our new perky Tim (not Timmy) Dillon. Porkchop doesn't want Hayley to know about Janet from another Planet and is swearing the Tim Man to secrecy. What gives? Here's what I see: There is a GREAT possibility that the character of Trevor Dillon will be arriving back to Pine Valley at some point. BUT... Janet may not be. This tells me that James Kiberd is biting but Robin Mattson is not interested. But it could be that the JANET problems are for more of a reason than has been revealed. For instance. IF Janet were still having some whacko problems it could very well be that she has been returned to an institution. BECAUSE of this Tim might be in Pine Valley and NOT wanting to return 'home' (wherever that is..) This could also be the reason that AMANDA is going to eventually come to town with some problems. Let's face it... that girl has had a few ODD things happen in her immediate family. Having a Whacky mother like Janet cannot have been that easy going. Why didn't Trevor want Hayley to know? That's simple... her kid is in ill health. Trevor didn't want the focus to be on him. That's our TREVOR. NOTE: I still see Amanda coming to town and ending up as Bianca's lover.... just a hunch. Jack, Jack, Jack: Is it possible that we've complained long and hard enough for this character to finally get himself NOT ONLY a storyline... but perhaps a COUPLE? Let's review: This week we had an encounter with a jogging Jackson (looking rather good with his hair DOWN) and Anna (who was running in the other direction.) COULD IT BE that there might eventually be sparks for this couple? There certainly DID seem to be a bit of a peace-offering and it became a solid set-up for the District Attorney's self-acknowledgment that he must move on from Erica. (YES... about 5 years ago.) Whenever a couple has battles on a soap it is an instant reason for them to find sexual compatibility. Why NOT with Jack and the Chief of Police? Sure... she is with David Hayward... for NOW... things could change. That, however, is not ALL we witnessed for the DA. Later he ran into what was interpreted as an EX-love from many eons ago. Jackson walks into the Valley Inn to encounter the manipulative MARY Smythe... a woman who is in town because she is about to lose all her money and inheritance and must figure out a way to discredit her OWN daughter in order to be able to get to that money herself. Jackson was slightly bitter about her being in town and more or less told her to leave as soon as possible (Soap interpretation: She ain't going anywhere.) SO... is it possible that these two could end up rekindling whatever it was that they once had? YES. And there is more. As I talked about here in last week's entry ROGER is supposedly getting shot as a bullet aimed at someone else ends up snagging him. In the hospital it will be revealed that Roger is NOT Greenlee's father and my guess is that Mary is going to tell Jack that he IS. On top of ALL of this I could not have been the only one that saw Mary's eyes LIGHT UP when she discovered the handsome man that just stepped back into her life was running for Governor... and after watching the speech we all know that he will win. IN SUMMARY: Jackson is about to become a leading man again. I, for one, am thrilled to finally see this man working for the contract he is on. BRAVO... and I think he'll make a wonderful father for Greens. Timmy...er... Tim Dillon is a cutie. Did anyone catch Maggie eyeing the boy? Maybe it was the way she kept asking for him to show her the place where the scar would be... BUT WAIT... maybe she will try to warm up to him because she figures he might be the one that finds out HER secret. Remember I still believe that this isn't Maggie at all, but FRANKIE. And who ELSE saw the human St. Bernard coming to the rescue... or at least thinking about it... of Simone Torres? She got all bent out of shape because daddy couldn't have Phillie Cheese Steaks on the 4th and ran off like a dejected 6-year-old. Jakey made one of his faces that shows concern and interest at the same time. Then he ran into the closet and burst out in his cape and tights with the big R on the shirt (for Rescuer). He should be giving her unwanted advice within the week. Then they will start to have a relationship until, of course, someone better comes along and Simone will dump him like most all of his women do. But he's a Martin so he'll survive to give many more self-righteous lectures to family members and friends... unless, of course, J. Eddie's contract is up in which case Jakey will run off to California and buy another boat. Am I getting ahead of myself here? So... if Rae Cummings lied about her name AND about her being a psychiatrist for all these years... could she ALSO have been lying about the baby she had many years ago? Could she have been exaggerating about the father? Could it be that Skye CHANDLER is possibly going to be looking into that DNA test with Alan Quartermaine in the near future? DO IT. Bring back Skye Chandler to Pine Valley. Robin Christopher rules. IF you ask me... SIMONE is a basketcase. She is a fixated on older "father-figure" types.. has an unresolved relationship with her own father AND keeps sleeping with sleezy men. FINALLY she is starting to feel like a part of Pine Valley. Is LEO hiding something? Currently there is an ad running on SOAPnet that highlights Leo and Greenlee in Love but then states "But does she really KNOW him?" (while showing Greenlee's face of concern and suspicion.) What could this mean? Is it about a new and more sinister secret being held by our LEO... something that will drive the couple apart permanently and eventually send our boy LEO packing.. (around the time his contract runs out in October..) OR... could this simply mean that Leo wants something more than he is letting on to? Could it be that the CON artist still lives within the boy and Greenlee's money REALLY IS the target of all of this? OR... it could be as simple as the FEAR that the boy is going to express when Greens mentions CHILDREN. Whatever it is... trust me... it does not bode well for the future of this couple. Stay tuned. I still say, by the way, that GUY is a hired hand. He has been PAID to portray the role of the Count. WOLFIE is really Proteus (and more than likely the real father of Leo) and Vanessa is merely working for Wolf. Much should be revealed this week at yet another disastrous wedding in Pine Valley. BOY... these people should just get their acts together and take the wedding to some secret and very secluded spot in another state or country. Will they NEVER learn? LAST but not least: I am a Bianca Montgomery fan.... I think. I have been an advocate and continue to praise the presence of a realistic gay character on daytime television... BUT... MUST WE turn Binks into her mother? YIKES!! I wanted to HIT the girl this week in her judgments and impatience regarding her sister. The normally open-minded and very FAIR young woman has turned into the complete opposite. She is hard to take right now AND someone that isn't walking the way she talks. I hope this is a temporary lapse... or I might be rooting for the kid to move on to college somewhere FAR FAR away.

THIS WEEK IN PINE VALLEY06/30: PLACE YOUR BETS: They are bringing in a new hunkadoodle to portray the TIM man but he is coming in as a savior to the Santos Family. What does this mean? Will we have a kind-hearted and loving but cantankerous younger version of Uncle Porkchop? Maybe... but the chances are that he is going to be a bit of a PILL... perhaps even more. My suggestion would be that young TIM may be looking for a bit more from Hayley in return for the liver than she would really want to be giving. NO NOT THAT...(get your minds out of the gutter... he's a blood relative!) but I suspect that there will be trouble and he'll be coming to her for the payback in no time at all. OH... one more thing... how much do you want to bet that our boy Timmy is shirtless and showing off a six-pack in a matter of weeks... perhaps DAYS after giving up part of that liver of his? Yep... place your bets. There is NO SLIMEBALL that could ever be as good as Adam Chandler. The guy is the master. But wait a minute... I have a question. It is one thing to recycle a storyline (Adam was gaslighting his wife Dixie in order to gain the favor for custody of JR way back when.).. but WHY wouldn't Liza get this clue? The character of Liza is making me dizzy with her rollercoaster fluxuations between helpless damsel with headache to screaming, hostile butch in control of it all. Which is it? Is she going to be the Liza we have known and loved in the past and take the advantage here? Will we get the satisfaction of seeing the MASTER overthrown in his own game? Wouldn't it be fun to watch LIZA play the helpless twitching femme fatale only to reverse the roles and pull off the ultimate gaslight scam on ADAM? Most believe that could or would never happen. I say that would spice up this been done before storyline and give us something to REALLY root for.... a stronger and MEANER Liza Colby Chandler. NOW... by weeks end with the twist of a nosy ADAM listening in to one of the stupidest phone messages in history (Why would Trey need to draw a picture somewhere that it could be retrieved?) it is obvious that Adam and Liza will be at WAR (what is it good for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!) This is where I expect we are going to see the once ALWAYS victorious Adam get his run for the money AND the child. This may have been the way that it has always gone in the past... but Liza is no pushover (even though she has been portrayed that way on and off in recent years..) This is going to shock us and the old LIZA is going to KICK Chandler ASS! Summer in Pine Valley and the drug dealers are out saying silly cliche lines ("That depends... are you flying solo.. or would the lovely lady like to take a trip to?") and looking amazingly similar to former drug dealers (remember Marcus?) or former young leads (remember Robert Duncan McNeill as Phillip Brent with Lauren Holly's Julie Chandler?) Whoops I spoke too soon.. big bad Ryan chased the bad drug actor away and now Pine Valley (espcially JR the skinny brooder) is safe. Phew. This Weeks Top 10 List: Top 10 reasons Ryan is going to leave town. 10) His six pack is actually a small keg. They've been painting on the definition with make-up lately. 9)Thought he'd check out the musical theater in Florida with Roger. 8)Saw Kendall with Aidan and realized he was jealous... about Aidan 7) Got drunk with Josh Duhamel and made a bet to see who would be the first to leave. 6)Is moving to Hollywood to audition for Frankenstein 2002. 5)Longs to wear loose fitting clothing. 4)Secretly believes that Gillian never died and is going to go out there and find her. 3)He's decided to go to Smile camp with all the other unfortunates who's mouths have frozen in the shape of a scowl, frown, grimace or some other form of drama mask. (Remember when your mother told you not to make that face or it would freeze that way?) 2)He's developed a phobia of other long lost or unknown relatives showing up in Pine Valley and needs to get the hell out before they do. 1) He's been selected for Big Brother 3 and will not be allowed to leave that house for several months. Remember this: When visiting Pine Valley should you want to meet a hotty and flirt the night away just go to the Pine Cone Motel and walk around with something in your hand until someone comes barreling out of their door and knocks it over. If that doesn't work just play your music too loud until someone hunky dude decides to come barreling into your room (remember never to lock your door.) In Pine Valley the lovely Mental institution apparantely caters rather nicely to its clientele. Maybe it is my imagination... but it would appear that our favorite looney woman (Vanessa aka Rosie) has had her hair done. Were those highlights there before? Oh... one more thing... since when do locked down and institutionalized patients get private phone calls on pretty princess telephones? Come to think of it... where did the big bad Wolfie get that direct phone line? Speaking of the old Wolfman... IMHO it is he that will end up being the father to LEO. He's the sinister one. He's the PROTEUS type and I do believe the end to the Proteus saga is VERY near. If Wolfie comes to Pine Valley and tries to end it all for Leo (probably hitting Roger...) it will be the downfall of the Proteus regime. With this revelation there will be an arrest (the ACE Chief 'o' police ANNA will nab the nasty, snarling man...) Leo will discover that the COUNT, in truth a rather nice guy, is NOT his father AND the whole story will end with an admitted Wolfie as a bad, bad man, Vanessa as a crushed and not too popular mother and LEO with all sorts of Emmy reel material as he discovers all the truth about a father he never knew and a mother he thought he did. Ahhh... daytime drama. It all makes sense considering it is now being reported that Marj Dusay will be leaving the show in July. That would signal the END of PROTEUS. She is supposedly still on contract and off to Port Charles to create yet another fine character. (It is PC's gain...) I LOVE Vanessa and always will... but the character was painted into a corner with this storyline AND especially with the INSANE and ASYLUM bit. There wasn't a WHOLE lot of hope for redemption in the fickle town of Pine Valley. Has anyone else noticed how many of our favorite characters seemed to have crossed eyes this week? Simone? Ryan? Brooke? Was it the lighting? Were their cue cards written funny? Is someone playing with our minds? Was it ME that was crosseyed? Life is a mystery. The future is here. It is time for the summer transition. Who is going to be with whom.... it would seem that they are teasing the possibilities in order for us to write on our message boards and give the thumbs up or down for the hints being dropped. Will Tad end up with Brooke? Will Brooke end up with Eddie? Will Eddie find his true love again in Maria? Will Maria think she might prefer Tad? Will Tad be looking at Simone? Will Simone be interested in Frankie? Will Frankie be out for Mia? Will Mia be after Adam? Is Adam still in love with Liza? Will Liza have second thoughts about Tad? Will Tad find new love with Greenlee? Is Greenlee going to get a load of Aiden without a shirt? Is Aiden after Kendall? Will Kendall have a roll in the hay with Trey? Is Trey Asexual? Is Binks going to make it with Maggie? Is Maggie going to boff JR? Is JR interested in the still uncast Amanda? Is Amanda interested in the adult Bianca? Is Jack EVER going to have a relationship at all? Food for thought. Sit down and enjoy the feast. SPEAKING of Jackie... it could be that he might actually have a relationship on the horizon. The big rumors NOW say that he is going to re-connect with an old flame. I don't know who that old flame is quite yet, but I would be willing to bet that it is MARY SMYTHE... let me tell you why: ASIDE from the fact that the man has been seemingly CELIBATE and deserves a love life, sex life AND storyline... there is the scoop that says ROGER will be shot and Greens will discover that her daddy ain't really her daddy. YEARS ago I predicted that one as a motive for his horrible treatment of the girl. I figured that his relationship with MARY (and her money) forced him to be a 'father'. So... what if this reunion between MARY and JACK is to precede the truth about Greenlee's parentage? If Jack had a relationship with the maven WAY back when... who is to say that he won't be the girls father? NOW... that would be a Greenlee of a different color... But it would give our JACKSON far more of a role in the burg. I am not buying the ERIC KANE father rumor. It just doesn't fly. I vote for Mr. Montgomery. That brings me to an idea that ABC could utilize to match the craze of reality television and promotion for participation in the show. GOD KNOWS that the fans of this and any other soap believe their way a storyline should go is always the RIGHT way a storyline should go. So why not mix a bit of the soap world with the concept behind something like "AMERICAN IDOL"? In the future we could have a character discover that they are not who they thought they were. In this discovery they will also discover that one of the MEN in town is their REAL father. THE TWIST? The fans can call 1-800-NEW-DAD1 for Jackson or 1-800-NEW-DAD2 for Eric Kane... or perhaps 1-800-NEW-DAD3 for Adam... 1-800-NEW-DAD4 for Chris.. You get the idea. This sort of promotion could be tied into the other storyline plots as well. INTERACTIVE soaps of the future. Rumor has it that Robin is the next DEVANE to come to Pine Valley... Negotiations are under way... supposedly. I know there are those that don't like the invasion of GH characters on the Pine Valley landscape. I personally don't see where the difference is. These are characters that are rich with history... but can also be here to create some more in a different home. Put it into perspective. Have you or anyone you've known ever made a huge move? I moved from New York to Los Angeles. Does that mean that my 'character' in NY is all that matters? I am in Los Angeles now creating new history. Anna is in Pine Valley and fits rather nicely. It would only be natural (especially after the highly rated reunion last year) for Kimberly's Robin character to come and be a part of Anna's life again. I LOVE the idea. Sign her up!! OH MY GOD... AIDEN without a shirt. Need I say more? Ryan who? SIDEBAR: There are still people complaining about Aiden's accent. GET OVER IT. It is BRITISH... not AUSTRALIAN... and I can't understand some of the other actors sometimes either. There... my little rant of the week. And now... let us take a moment to reflect on the departure of Mark Consuelos from the role of Mateo. I thought he was delightful as the young busboy who won the heart of TINK back in the days of yore in Pine Valley. SOMEHOW, however, the character (and, unfortunately, the actor) turned into a snarky, snarly, agitated and affected finger pointing obnoxious fool. (But how do you REALLY feel?) Mark is off to point fingers at a new group of actors and we wish him luck. He will be missed.... ok... not by me. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA LAST but not least: We are now embarking on the re-emergence of MARIA into Pine Valley. What is this storyline about to bring? I expect there will be a 'fight' between Brookie and Maria/Maureen for the aging Pulitzer Prize winner (SORRY... to me he is beginning to look like one of the old guys on the MUPPETS).. What I suspect is that BROOKE is going to be changing character a bit. She isn't going to be the MARTYR we are all used to. She is going to turn a bit into a BEEYATCH with a little more EDGE. It would be about time. But what about Maria? I might like to suggest here that the character may have grabbed the opportunity 5 years ago to leave the life she had and find something better. WHY NOT? She was presumed dead and it was the golden opportunity to disappear. This, of course, would mean that she may NOT have had amnesia at all. So what about the pretty pictures of Wildwind Castle? EASY: She may have left the old life but there would obviously have been times that she regreted the decision and couldn't find a way to get herself to admit to anyone that she WAS Maria... as opposed to Maureen. It would be EASY for Eddie to jump back into the arms of Maria if she had a case of amnesia for the last 5 years... BUT how is he going to feel if he finds out that she just changed her name and began another life because of inner conflicts and a need to move on? Suddenly he would be discovering that he didn't lose his wife the way he had thought at all. THIS would strengthen the role of Brooke in his life a great deal THUS making this TRIANGLE a whole